Thank you for taking the time to help me with this enormous source of anxiety. To make a very long story short, I have a cousin whose existence I have loathed for years. This man made the week of my mom's funeral extremely stressful because he kept calling the funeral home and bothering the director because it's an extremely small coal town where everyone knows each other. While in mourning the director called me to ask us to please get him to stop calling because he called 7 times in 4 days despite having no role in the planning whatsoever.
He's verbally abusive, racist and my brother and I have chosen to go non contact. When my dad passes, he's 94 I do not want him notified until after the fact. Is that unethical? My dad would prefer him there, as we've talked about it but he's said of most of the other arrangements that he'll be deceased so he won't care. If he were to call would they have to tell him? If we request it to not be disclosed can that happen? I fear because of the small town good old boy culture it will get back to him. Do I have the right to do this if it's already been predesignated in a family trust that my brother handles the financial side of funerals and I do the planning. I'm so incredibly stressed about this and don't want to find out how this works when my dad actually passes. Thank you 🙏