I don't think I like being part of the gay community.
I don't think I like being in the gay community. People tell you there is love in the community, that you will find your people, but I don't think that's true. Some of the worst hurt I've experienced has come from gay people. They certainly don't seem inclusive. Really they're more exclusive. When you try to talk to a guy at a bar you either get an "ew," and they walk away or they're polite, but they don't want to talk to you, (their face and eyes say what they're thinking. And they're the nice ones). On apps you're blocked if you message them and don't look like you stepped out of a model catalog. Outside of app or bar settings gays are usually in cliques that are not very welcoming to outsiders like me and they don't step outside their circle for new people. I get the advice of "love your gay brothers," while good advice in theory it is easier said than done. You show them love, but that won't change their bad behavior. When does that love come back to you? How are you supposed to not become bitter and disillusioned with all of the lies and hypocrisy? Really I wish I could just not be part of the community. I know I could get lies and hypocrisy in any community, but usually it isn't blatantly obvious to me.