AITA for charging my ex-lodger (and former bridesmaid) for damages and rent after she left my house in poor condition and paid me in coin?
I (30F) let one of my closest friends (30F) move into my home last year after a breakup. We’ve known each other since school and she was a bridesmaid at my wedding.
She moved in a few months before the wedding, and despite everything going on, we fully opened our home to her. This meant adjusting our space and routine to accommodate her three dogs and two snakes.
What was meant to be temporary turned into over a year.
Within the first couple of months, things became difficult. Cleanliness was a constant issue, she rarely helped with household chores, and dog hair built up to the point it was being trodden through shared spaces.
She worked late shifts and often came home after midnight, which would set the dogs barking and wake us. For the first 5–6 months, she was also frequently late on rent, which built up to over £1200 owed at one point. I had to cover bills from my own savings, especially as utilities increased significantly due to her snake equipment running constantly.
The house began to smell strongly of dog, particularly near the entrance, and I felt uncomfortable having people over.
Eventually, I had to explicitly ask her to clean, which only happened once.
Recently, we told her we planned to move and wanted to start our next chapter as a married couple. She agreed to move out, with a deadline of May.
However, after going on holiday, she barely stayed at the house but also didn’t move her belongings out. The room remained unusable, and we were left unsure whether she was still living there.
When everything was finally cleared, I was shocked by the condition:
• Mould had returned (it had been treated before she moved in)
• Yellow staining on furniture and doors
• Scratches to doors and baseboards
• A bedside table I lent her was damaged
• A bookcase left unsellable
• General dirt and dog hair throughout
She did come back with her mum and sister to clean a few times, but it still wasn’t restored. The mould had stained into the paint, and some damage couldn’t be fixed with basic cleaning.
I explained I would need to repair, repaint, and treat the room properly. She offered to do it herself, but I declined as I wanted it done consistently with the rest of the house.
I calculated the cost of repairs and also charged rent until the room was fully emptied, as we couldn’t use the space while her belongings were still there.
She argued she shouldn’t pay rent as she “wasn’t staying there,” but I explained rent is for the room, not physical presence.
She did eventually pay, but most of it was in £1 coins and 50ps, delivered by her mum and sister, despite clearly having access to notes.
What hurts most is she hasn’t said thank you or spoken to me since. I’m giving her space and plan to reach out, as the friendship means a lot to me.
After everything, giving her a home, adjusting our lives, and supporting her, I feel used. I don’t think I’ve been unfair, but I’m left feeling sad and conflicted.
AITA?”