u/Maxicrashie

Hey gang, I got some advice here and after a little failed start, I figured I'd try one more time before shoving this one back into the oven to cook for another few weeks - I'm not actually planning to query this thing atp, it's more of a mental exercise.

I axed all mention of other characters, cut out the synopsis-ing (I hope?) and tried to keep close to the stakes.

Closing time is an ensemble queer horror inspired by The Lord of the Flies. It will appear to fans of the suffocating queer horror of Crafting for Sinners by Jenny Kiefer and themes of worker solidarity of Horrorstör by Grady Hendrix as well as fans of rape culture exploration found in Wrong Organ studios 2024 video game Mouthwashing. It is complete at 81,000 words.

When Maxine started her six hour McDonald’s shift, the last thing she expected was to get caught in the crossfire of a curse directed at her manager and be trapped inside with a group of hungry customers. Now, forced to play nice with her sexist coworkers and continue normal workplace duties while food supplies run low, Max struggles to repress her obsessive and violent tendencies. After a confrontation between customer and employee inadvertently kills another cashier, however, Max realizes that those tendencies might be the only way she can survive. As Max attempts to manipulate the growing social unrest to her advantage, the witch publicly spirals out and self-destructs, taking with her Max's last chance to break the curse without further bloodshed. Determined to do whatever it takes to avoid becoming the next body in the freezer Maxine decides to do what she should have done all along; murder her manager.

Hey yall Ive had some great feedback and axed a lot of synopsis-ing.

How does this read?

Closing time is an ensemble queer horror inspired by The Lord of the Flies. It will appear to fans of the suffocating queer horror of Crafting for Sinners by Jenny Kiefer and themes of worker solidarity of Horrorstör by Grady Hendrix as well as fans of rape culture exploration found in Wrong Organ studios 2024 video game Mouthwashing.

It is complete at 81,000 words.

When she started her six hour McDonald’s shift, Maxine thought she was prepared to deal with the worst - dodging her estranged fathers texts and burning her fingers on the fry basket - instead, however, she finds herself dealing with an all new nightmare; being trapped inside by an Etsy witch's curse. A natural people pleaser and a self described ‘mom-friend’, Max has always taken everybody's happiness as her responsibility, but with the accidental death of a cashier causing a rift between customer and employee, that responsibility becomes life or death. As the food supply slowly dwindles, Maxine’s boyfriend, Riker becomes entangled with their manager's pyschosexual relationship and her sometimes situationship, Beau, becomes an inadvertent symbol of the forming fascist voting bloc. Determined to pull them out of their respective traps, Maxine turns to the support of her childhood friend Rhodes for information to protect herself with. Rhodes, as a software engineer, knows his way around a computer and quickly hunts down the source of their curse. When his cyberstalking spills into real life however, the witch self-destructs, taking with her any potential chance they may have had to reverse the curse peacefully. Terrified and feeling the walls of the group closing in on her, Maxine decides that she will get them out however she can - even if it means she has to murder the manager the curse was originally directed at.

Hey all,

For the past four years or so I have felt a strong, emotional desire to convert to Judaism.

I have done a fair amount of research and I feel that Reform is what calls to me the most.

However, I have some 'baggage' I'm worried about.

For one, I'm covered in tattoos. Big back pieces, work in progress sleeves. Nothing I can't cover with long sleeves but nothing small, either.

I've always felt that God made our bodies to be loved and lived in and as somebody who was abused as a child it was very important for me to reclaim myself and my body. I just don't think He would want me to be ashamed of myself.

Since beginning to seriously explore this, though, I've been wondering how I would even begin to approach this topic with a rabbi, let alone with community members.

How do reform Jews approach tattoos? I know the 'official' approach, but I mean on a communal, social level. How much pushback could I expect from a community?

I'm also queer. I don’t want to go too in depth, but I'm in a same sex relationship. It's taken me a while to get to where I am with my queerness and I don't want to hide it. What are the attitudes amongst Reform Jews in regards to open queerness? I know its regional and contextual but I'm taking this one step at a time, yaknow?

I don't want to sound like I'm not serious about conversion or that I'm just half heartedly committing, but I'm an overthinker and would really appreciate some input.

Hey all, I've had some great feedback in other subs, but I was hoping for some other new eyes on a query I'm working on. I'm sorta struggling w the structure of this thing so I wanna know how it comes across as I polish it up.

Thanks in advance

“You will stay within these walls until the last drop of blood leaves your miserable body!”

Those are the words wannabe Etsy with, Elara, uttered before fleeing the scene of a local McDonald’s. To the surprise of everybody inside, her curse worked, sealing the doors shut.

Trapped inside, working an endless shift is Maxine. As the de-facto social leader and self assigned ‘mom-friend’ of a group of queer friends, she takes it as a given that she is responsible for the happiness of everybody around her.

After a fight between staff and customer inadvertently causes the death of a cashier, however, Maxine finds herself struggling to balance that instinct with her very real need to make it out of their situation without drawing the ire of the increasingly hungry customers.

Trying to keep his head down beside her is Maxine's part-time boyfriend, Riker. Despite his attempts to lay low, however, Riker’s moral compass drives him to interfere in the toxic sexual relationship between coworkers. His meddling shatters the trust between them and one of the managers, Mandy, pushing her towards a growing fascist bloc of customers.

As the bloc's scapegoating turns to murder, the pair's occasional third, Beau, ties herself to the bloc. Her experiences as a beauty queen have left her frightened by the prospect of being a woman surrounded by insatiable men and with Maxine and Rikers reluctant help, she is determined to always keep the three of them in the in group.

Watching the situation boil over into overt fascism, is the final roommate, Rhodes. Traumatized by watching his sister die and certain that things can always get worse, Rhodes sets out to find the witch who cursed them. When his cyberstalking turns to real life however, the witch self-destructs, taking with her any potential chance they may have had to reverse the curse peacefully. 

Terrified and feeling the walls of the group closing in on her, Maxine decides that she will get them out however she can - even if it means she has to murder the manager the curse was directed at.

Edit: Oops! I didnt think to include the house keeping the traditional query format bits. I already have the comp titles and genre stuff in the full letter, I just figured it wasnt the 'problem'.

Ive added the genre and basic introduction here:

Closing time is an ensemble queer horror inspired by The Lord of the Flies. It will appear to fans of the suffocating queer horror of Crafting for Sinners by Jenny Kiefer and themes of worker solidarity of Horrorstör by Grady Hendrix as well as fans of rape culture exploration found in Wrong Organ studios 2024 video game Mouthwashing.

Hey guys!

I've had really helpful feedback on this bad boy, so I've edited the structure of this.

Closing time is an ensemble queer horror inspired by The Lord of the Flies. It will appear to fans of the suffocating queer horror of Crafting for Sinners by Jenny Kiefer and themes of worker solidarity of Horrorstör by Grady Hendrix as well as fans of rape culture exploration found in Wrong Organ studios 2024 video game Mouthwashing.

It is complete at 81,000 words.

“You will stay within these wretched walls until the last drop of lifeblood leaves your miserable chassis!” 

Those are the words a wannabe Etsy witch uttered before fleeing the scene of a local McDonald’s. To the surprise of everybody inside, her curse worked, sealing the doors shut.

Trapped inside, working an endless shift is Maxine, the de-facto social leader and self assigned ‘mom-friend’ of a small group of queer roommates. 

After an overprotective manager inadvertently causes the death of one of their coworkers, Maxine's mission to protect her friends is complicated by a split in the social dynamics; customer against employee. 

On one side, is Maxine's part-time boyfriend, Riker, whose compulsive people-pleasing winds up entangling him in the toxic dynamic between the managers. His interference quickly exacerbates the already simmering distrust between men and women on shift - and between Maxine and Riker.

 On the other side, is the pair's third, Beau, whose sway over men inadvertently becomes the catalyst for customers forming a pseudo-fascist voting bloc. As the bloc begins to send people to spend their days in the walk-in fridge, Maxine votes against her own self interest, hoping that punishment can keep them safe from retribution.

Meanwhile, outside, watching as the situation escalates into outright murder, is Maxine's childhood friend and emotional dart board, Rhodes. 

Traumatized from the childhood loss of his sister and desperate to avoid another loss, Rhodes uses his tech experience to find the witchs' personal information. As Max bombardes her social media with messages, Rhodes’ physically stalks her, hoping to demand his friend's freedom. 

 When the witch reveals that she is as ill-informed about the magic as they are, however, both of their weak attempts to remain ‘good people’ fall off entirely. Unwilling to surrender their lives, the pair set out to survive however they can - even if it means they have to sacrifice some of the other people trapped inside.

PLEASSSSSSSSSSSE lmk if there are obvious grammatical mistakes or punctuation problems, I'm dyslexic and my editor hasn't looked at this.

Hi kings!

I know querying is my weakness so despite the fact that I've got another project out w some promising nibbles, I figure I should still try to get this one good.

Here goes,

Closing time is a contemporary queer horror inspired by The Lord of the Flies. It will appear to fans of the suffocating queer horror of Crafting for Sinners by Jenny Kiefer and themes of worker solidarity of Horrorstör by Grady Hendrix as well as fans of the exploration of capitalist rape culture in Wrong Organ studios 2024 video game Mouthwashing.

It is complete at 81,000 words.

“You will stay within these wretched walls until the last drop of lifeblood leaves your miserable chassis!” Those are the words a wannabe Etsy uttered before fleeing the scene of a Calgary McDonald’s in a puff of smoke.

Unbeknownst to her, however, her stream of consciousness vent actually worked, sealing the doors shut behind her. Trapped inside working an endless shift are a small group of queer roommates: Maxine, a compulsive overthinker dealing with her estranged father’s attempts to re-enter her life, Riker, a mean-spirited but cowardly lapsed Mennonite struggling with an awkward change in his sexual relationships and their shared situationship, a repressed ex-pageant queen, Beau, whose icy exterior is beginning to break down under the unwanted attention of a predatory coworker.

After a fight between an entitled customer and an overprotective manager inadvertently causes the death of a cashier, tension forms along social lines; customer against employee.

On one side, the toxic pyschosexual dynamic between the managers begins to leak out, exacerbating the already existing divide between men and women on shift.

On the other side, customers form a pseudo-fascist voting bloc, forcing those who break the social rules taped to the window to spend their nights in the walk-in fridge.

Meanwhile, outside, watching as their situation goes from bad to worse, is the gang's fourth roommate, and self-assigned supportive wall, Rhodes; using his experience working as a software engineer he begins to cyberstalk the witches movements, sending his roommates links to her social media for message bombardment.

As bodies begin to stack up in the freezer and the threat of survival cannibalism creeps closer, Rhodes' desperation forces him to go from mere internet harassment to real life stalking. His actions, however well intentioned, quickly spiral out of control and cause the witch to spiral out and self-destruct.

Hopeless and scared, the four roommates are forced to reckon with exactly what type of people they are. After all, when everybody else is acting like the only options are murder or cannibalism, is it really such a bad thing to go with the crowd?