u/MatthewHecht

On fourth and long we are punting it from around the 50, and The Duckies think it is a fake or something, as they are in a normal defensive lineup. We punt it, and Jorge perfectly hits it to the 1.

I know this might be our first win, as we were actually playing well. Most of this was Pablo the QB kept making awful decisions. Instead of tucking it and running or throwing to the wide open receiver he kept throwing interceptions across his body resulting in field goals (If only I had a receiver as good as Angela). Now we are eyeing the safety.

Pablo picks up the ball, and immediately Luanne grabs him. He shoves her aside like a rag doll (and I guess she never got up). At the 5 Stinky McStinkton grabs him, and Pablo does not even slow down breaking the tackle (Stinky makes Jorge look like Patrick Willis). Thus Pablo returns it 99 yards.

After almost winning we lost by 2 plays. Later on 3rd and forever Luanne dropped a long touchdown. We "only" lost by 14, so that would have brought the game to overtime if only Luanne was a little better.

I have to say it, where is Jorge in all this? Danny is the slowest player in the game, but he and Stinky are at least on the screen 30 yards behind Pablo. Is Jorge just wondering blindly like when I throw him the ball?

From "D.W. Gets Lost"

They returned the opening kickoff for a touchdown. Luanne immediately scored a touchdown. They drove down and scored. To end the first half Jorge fumbled the kickoff, and Gretchen's clone ran it all the way back. In the third quarter we made it a 1 score game. Gretchen's clone immediately ran it back for a touchdown.

They also scored 2 defensive touchdowns. They strip sacked Dan Marino for a touchdown. Near the end of the game Jorge caught a hail mary with nobody to beat. The defender (same guy with the opening touchdown) caught him, forced the fumble, and ran it all the way back. He almost did it again on the last play, but Danny stopped him.

Their offense literally scored 2/7ths of their touchdowns. It says something our best defensive player is Danny Marino, the slowest guy in the game.

By popular demand I am attempting this again after winning the Cereal Bowl with the worst statistical players. Last season Gretchen and Angela carried the team, so now they are out. There goes 61% our offensive yards, 48% our TDs, 61% our tackles, 71% our playoff yards, 69% our playoff TDs (Luanne really fell off a cliff in the playoffs), 64% our playoff tackles, and our best two gunners, and all our kicking and good blocking.

Replacing our two superstars (who knew the players with the absolute weakest arm strengths would be so good at tackle football) we have Sally, but she got straight Fs and is banned from playing. She is sticking around as a locker room cancer. We also have Stinky McStinkton (no points for guessing her stats).

Last team dominated their first game, while this team got dominated. We tried Stinky at C, and it was a disaster. Billy Jean is only slightly better, and we might be better off with her at WR and Stinky blocking. Danny was sacked 6 times. Angela really made the offense way easier.

How bad was our offense? They had Angela at CB, and we made her look like a star despite targeting her all game. Jorge could not catch a one on one hail mary against her. She gave up two catches to Stinky, but she forced a fumble both times. Stinky had nobody to beat on the last play, but Angela caught her from behind and forced a fumble. I now know Stinky's speed is worse than 34.

Both my WRs have a 1 catch. I thought it would be obvious Gretchen was way better than either, but instead I realized Angela is way better than either. Jorge dropped everything, while Stinky seems to have no aggression.

Luanne's punting leaves a lot to be desired. Due the CPU loving to fumble our defense was not too bad, but I hope they never try to run much. Danny was not exactly Angela at stopping the run.

Is Stinky or nerfed Ronny worse? I am going with nerfed Ronny as the worse player.

One issue is without Sally I only have 6 players limiting my options. Last team was actually really well balanced. Nobody is replacing Angela as the muscles or Gretchen as the hands. Without them Danny's minmaxed stats as the arm is almost entirely useless. Luanne is hard to get the ball to. She is great with space, but without my star Z receiver, my star center, and my X receiver who could kind of block, she was just getting wiped out all game. She was still the only offensive weapon.

Stacked Team easily wins.

One thing that was good in hindsight is we had horrible luck with cold days in the regular season. That stopped the games from lasting too long, and made sure the playoffs were not a difficulty spike. For a long time Pete was slow, Achmed was bas batting badly, and everybody was exhausted. For the playoffs this was all fixed.

The AI was much better than usual this season. They knew to swing with power and were actually playing aggressive defense to catch high balls. I was sometimes frustrated with all the leaping catches off tipped balls. Thankfully Pete and Angela responded with their own leaping catches.

Easily the best offense I ever had, and they broke all the playoff records. The playoff scoring record was broken. Pablo and Pete both broke the previous playoff home run record with 10 (previous was 9 by Achmed and Mikey). Just for Angela and Achmed to break their broken record with 11. Angela broke her own RBI record in the playoffs. Achmed and Pablo broke the playoff runs record. Pablo broke the batting average and slugging playoff record. Just an absurd offense.

I am have been a Lisa truther, but this was the worst performance I ever got from her. She started on first base, and she was terrible there. Achmed was not good there, but he was an improvement. We gave up several points, as she kept randomly turning around. Instead of catching the ball she would get hit in the back of the head and fall down. That also meant her stamina was constantly awful forcing Angela to pitch all game (not like that is hard). Once Lisa struck out by missing three crazy bunts.

We struck out so rarely we barely got any power bats.

So many of these games lasted so long, so I made several players get out on purpose. The numbers would have been even better, but I wanted the games to end eventually

MVP- Pablo for the regular season, but accounting for playoffs it was clearly Angela with Pete in second. The two were carrying the defense.

On a related note why does the AI love putting Amir and his clones at CF? They are awful there.

I had a juice box. I used it a few innings later.

Hats off to Angela for singlehandedly holding them to one each game (except that great catch by Pete on Keisha clone's deep ball).

Almost every time we hit it the ball went dead center right to the CF who caught everything. I am convinced Achmed and Mikey were having cold days (probably Amir and Pablo as well), and Lisa clearly shut her brain off.

It did not help everybody but Angela was constantly tripping, and Lisa kept body slamming Angela.

It is really satisfying breaking the tie by RBIing Angela.

I hope Lisa gets out a lot, because otherwise I will have to intentionally get out to avoid games taking forever. We will probably still have to do that.

The record is 6 great home run hitters. We have 8/11. Normally I say the Webber clones and Amir are the worst at that, but with the sibling boosts that is gone.

No need for the 1, 4, 7 strategy. For batting picking the order was like the endgame of Civilization where I am just trying to figure out how to easily dominate. We have the four players (counting boosts) with the highest batting stats. We just divided into two groups of four, and put the top two at clean up (Achmed and Mikey). Pablo and Pete each work as lead offs. The Webbers are side by side to make it easier to master their batting style. Lisa is the odd woman out, and I am fine with that.

On defense we have the Angela/Pete combo, which is all that is needed. The Webber clones cannot catch, but they can still play outside outfield. I am going to try Pablo at short stop, but I am prepared to flip him with a Webber clone.

The only real weakness is I have never tried any of these at first base. I guess we are seeing if Lisa is good at first base. If she is not the Khans will both be used there.

In the second image I tried to get it going over the fence, but I was a little late. It just boomed way over the fence, and it would have went way further without the house. Gretchen was on fire this game. She had struck out twice, but she boomed two more to the outfield for 2 doubles for 0.600 and 1.600 slug.

This was a very important home run, as it was 2 outs in the top of the 1st with nerfed Billy Jean on 1st, and Angela on 3rd (their first baseman should tell you how that happened). This let us tire them out for a 30+-1 win.

Yes, they have nerfed Ronny at CF and Reese at LF. I have no idea why. Yes, it was funny to watch.

Gretchen, you are a stud!

12-2 and Cereal Bowl Champions. This was actually hard to win at the end. Sure we dominated many teams including our third dominant win over the Saucers/Vikings in the first round, but the final 2 playoff games were actually hard fought games won by 5 points and in overtime. Special shout out to the Pigskins. We barely beat them 3 times. We only won the middle time, as they attempted a game winning field goal with Annie from the 42 in OT.

We had Gretchen and Angela being studs on all three sides of the ball. Danny was great on offense, kept wiping out Barry Sanders on special teams. Billy Jean and Jorge were turnover machines on defense, but horrible tacklers. Jorge did not play offense, and Billy Jean stank at it. Luanne was frustratingly inconsistent. One play she is great on all three sides of the ball. Next she is giving up a touchdown on defense or special teams (Angela saved us if she fumbled it on offense). Ronny kept those benches nice and warm.

I am sure several of y'all are wondering if this was easier or harder than the slowest player team. Both teams were crushed by the Ostriches/Patriots thanks to Stuart Sullivan. The slowest team was much better on defense, while this team was much better on offense. The slowest team was perfectly built for one play on defense and dominated, while this is the worst defense I ever had. On offense this was actually a really successful team except for XWR. As the slowest team was better on special teams I give them the edge.

The biggest issue was easily tackling. Angela (DL) was our only good tackler, so they always had a chance to run it all the way in for the touchdown. In The Cereal Bowl Marky caught a 70 yard touchdown and broke 2 Gretchen tackles. We were especially bad at covering dual threat QBs. Thankfully they normally just ran right into Angela. The plan was to not break until my tall corners could make an interception or Angela got a sack. This is a contrast to the slowest team where Drew and Angela were terrific at containing offenses.

One time Billy Jean fell on Reese, and he somehow broke the tackle and scored a touchdown. The slant route from a ZWR was something we could never cover. Jorge lacked the speed, and Luanne lacked the tackling to stop it. The refs robbed Angela of a second safety.

Their strategy should have been lots of screens, as we were horrendous at stopping them. Instead they kept trying fade routes. With our height and pass rush those were turnover machines.

Luanne was not in our kickoff game, and it was funny always seeing Gretchen run 20 yards ahead of everybody else. We gave up multiple return touchdowns, while the slowest team never did that. On the other hand we did pin them deep several times. We only punted once all season, as we had a really consistent 3rd down offense.

Our return game was awful. Luanne fumbled them so many times, and they ran so many back for touchdowns. I kept forgetting to just run out of bounds. On the other hand she had many big returns setting up short fields.

Our offense was shockingly good. Billy Jean was the big weakness, as she is an awful XWR. She cannot block, recover fumbles, and she falls every time she catches the ball. I missed having Angela at that position so much, as she covers all Luanne's weaknesses. Alas we needed her at center. The only defender who could not beat Billy Jean was Pete.

In spite of Billy Jean this was a great offense. Angela, Luanne, Danny, and Gretchen are basically min maxed for their job. As the stats should show Gretchen was always the first option. She caught so many 3rd and longs by catching fade routes and running them all the way for touchdowns. She caught so many slants, and if they blitzed she regularly ran them all the way for touchdowns. She shattered all my receiving records except for touchdowns (Annie is still queen there).

The only player who completely stopped Gretchen was Annie on the Pigskins. We actually had to rely on Billy Jean those games.

I was so happy when we played Tony's team. I moved Angela to XWR that game and Billy Jean to Center. It was great having two capable of wide receivers even if Danny had no time to throw. Still, Gretchen emerged as the number 1 target. Against Tony Angela had 3 catches, 1 TD, and 50 yards. Tony had an interception (Angela had the other 8 yards and 2 catches off deflections as the Center).

Danny is arguably the best QB in the game, and this season really showed how great he is. The computer loves blitzing him, but his release is so fast. So many times he was about to be sacked on 3rd and long, and at the last second he threw a touchdown to Gretchen. This is the best touchdown/interception ratio I ever had.

Does Barry Sanders love being tackled by Angela? He kept running right into her, when he probably should have scored every touch that game. Good thing too, as he somewhat contained Gretchen as a safety.

Overall, this was a challenge. It is the first time I thought the playoffs were actually hard in around ten seasons. I am used to having a shutdown defense that almost never gives up points, and that was a big mental adjustment.

Early on Luanne (my team) fumbled a punt return, and they ran it all the way back for a touchdown.

Later at their ten yard line we used a cough drop. Angela sacked the QB, and Gretchen ran it in for a touchdown.

We drove all the way down to the opposing ten yard line. They strip sacked Danny and Sidney ran it all the way back for a touchdown.

After a Gretchen touchdown right before the end we were up 28-21. They had the ball at their own 30 with 2 seconds left. They had Davy run it, and we stopped him immediately. He fumbled, and Sidney picked it up, and scored the touchdown. That was a really frustrating way to go to overtime. In hindsight I should have made Gretchen go out of bounds and let Angela kick a field goal as time expired.

In overtime Thankfully Luanne did not fumble the kickoff. On the first offensive play Luanne stole Gretchen's pass and fumbled it. Thankfully after all that horrible luck Gretchen scooped it up at the 35, and ran it all the way in for the game winning touchdown.

We almost threw a 99 yard pick 6 on the opening drive, but Angela barely caught the defender. That was the first and only time all game I threw it to Billy Jean.

Hats off to Gretchen for scoring all five our touchdowns. Counting that fumble return she had over 400 receiving yards. This included a hail mary touchdown right before halftime. Somebody wanted that trip to Weasel World.