My wife and I are high school sweethearts. We were married in our early twenties and have 4 children together. After twenty years of marriage we just aren't connected anymore. My wife went back to college in her thirties after being a stay at home mom for most of her twenties. She was excellent at balancing both tasks. I am the breadwinner for the family and have always supplied 90% (or more) of the income. I mention that only to clarify that her income isn't needed for us to live a happy life. I have always encouraged her to chase her dreams and pursue what she wanted, I would provide a life for us. I am very proud of what she has accomplished as a Mom and in her post-graduate collegiate life.
The problem is that she is slowly withdrawing from the world. The stress of handling a thesis, managing the house, interacting with friends and family, connecting on any real level with me seems to all be too much. Most of those things I can handle. I now have a wonderful job that allows me to work from home and support her in managing the house. Our kids are older and can help carry much of the burden. We largely function as a team, except for her. She has withdrawn to her own personal space, connects with us in small moments, and seems bothered when time together is asked of her.
I am a very physical person. Our relationship has been full of terrific connection, physical touch, hugs, petting, cuddling, and a healthy romantic partnership. All of that is gone. We are not romantic. We do not embrace. We do not cuddle. Any attempts to do so are met with aggravation and irritation. I am lost and don't know how to proceed. I have shared my feelings with her multiple times and felt heard, but no changes have been made. I won't be in a marriage like this, but I owe it to my children to make it work. What can I do to right this wayward ship?
TL;DR! - My wife is becoming a recluse and our relationship is at a breaking point. How can I fix things and help her?