If you didn't understand full then please don't comment
I am in my 20s, i have a problem that has been with me since i was 15, and there is no way out and i am stuck because of it, i am like a dead man walking.
The problem is :
I was born in Syria and i am still there, but i fucking hate everything about it, i don't belong here at all, i hate every Arabic song, movie, tradition, i hate the culture the people, i can't stand living here and even if i get out( i am trying to learn language and move to the USA) i don't feel like anything is gonna change, i will still be a Syrian citizen, i feel it is like a curse, i hate my name, my religion, everything here.
I listen to American music, i watch American movies and shows, i love everything about the US, i feel i was born here by mistake, if someone turn on Arabic music i leave the room, i can't stand it, i have seen a lot in this country, everyone hate each others, everyone is a lair, there is no single good news here, if i wake up and i don't hear a really bad news i think, (wait?? There must be something wrong).
So the main problem is , even if i got out i will still feel the same, when someone asks me where are you from, that alone will ruin my day.
I don't care about others opinion on me, i care how i see myself, and that is my problem, how i am gonna ever see myself different?? How i am gonna feel comfortable? Or confident? If someone from Syria is reading this i don't give a f"" really of it bothers you,of course i am speaking here in general, there are a lot of good, kind people i know, i am not talking about them.
My question to you:
What would you do if you were my place??
Note that i am broke, and trying to find a job but it is very difficult and dangerous, because no place in safe here.