My bf(22M) and I(21F), together for 4y, come from a smaller, conservative area where women are often judged based on clothing. He has never tried to control what I wear. Even when I wore outfits I now consider too revealing, he never criticized me.
He only expressed opinions about specific items. For example, he disliked very short “ school-style skirts because he saw them as too short and overly sexualized in our environment. He also feels that lace see-through pieces (like visible lace bras under blazers) come off as intimate underwear. We recently "argued" when I wanted to wear a very short skirt(wanted to buy it but it was just bellow the butt so it's too short for me) with lace stockings to a club. He said he wouldn’t forbid me, but he felt uncomfortable because it's that short and that it could attract unwanted attention from “creepy” guys in our city. He emphasized it’s not about blaming me, but about being aware of the environment. I felt like he was indirectly connecting my clothing with other people’s behavior, which bothered me. He clarified that while responsibility is always on the other person, he thinks certain outfits realistically draw more attention where we live. He also admitted some of his views come from his insecurity, so he softened his stance.
Today I showed him a mini skirt I wanted to buy and he said it was beautiful but maybe too short(he just saw pics of it online and it wasn't even looking that short but it wasn’t tight, it was flowy, which made it seem like something underneath might potentially be more visible). I told him it has shorts under and that I wouldn’t wear it without it, and he immediately said that’s great then, I bought it. Sometimes I’ll ask him ‘would you let me wear this?’(not literally asking for permission, just wanting his opinion as my boyfriend), and he might say no, but he always explains that "no" just means he wouldn’t like me to wear it(not about me but he wouldn't be with a girl who wore things that short, I had my moments but mostly didn't, even before him). He just hopes I’ll take his opinion into account, the same way he takes mine and he wouldn't even said anything if something wasn't butt lenght(true). I asked if he would leave me if I wear something like that, he said he doesn't know until it happens and I asked would he tell me to change if I dress something too much when we go somewhere and he said he think he would but he know that won't happen since it takes pretty much for him to think something is that bad that I should change.
Even though I feel respected, I’ve noticed I keep “testing” him by sending outfits and asking for his opinion, even when I don’t plan to wear them. I feel stuck in a loop. And the thing is, we actually agree, on everything. When I think something is too short he thinks it too etc. our opinions mostly align, It's more about commenting on something being too short, Idk how to explain it, only like: I wouldn't wear something too short(I feel like it's too much), but I want to feel like I could if I wanted to, he wouldn't stop me but he probably wouldn't be with me, again Idk how to explain it.
Some of my friends think I’m overreacting and creating a problem where there isn’t one, since I always had similar mindset as my bf about clothing and that I can respect his opinion and if sometime happen that we don't agree I should just wear shorts under. So, AITA for escalating this instead of just accepting that he has personal preferences?