mom wants me to come home as dad is sick
hey all, I live in Europe and my family is back home in India. We last met in 2024 when I told them I wanted to marry my wife. At this point I was on a low dose T and they did not notice any of the changes and I just said that I want them to know that I am gonna marry the woman I am in love with. I guess they understood that I am a „lesbian“ (I am a trans man). They expressed a range of negative emotions and ostracised me quite badly. Back in Europe, I suffered a severe depression and battled for my mental stability as a result of how they treated me. I haven’t spoken to my dad in the last 2 years as he declared himself dead. Somehow standing to my conservative parents and telling them that I am in love with a woman (even though their reactions were horrible), gave me the courage to finally come out of my egg and transition to a full dose. I did not go home to visit them since 2024. in the meantime, I got my top surgery and have a decent moustache and also went for the big chop. My chest muscles have also been growing—I pass as a man. Which is ofc great for me. Taking the distance from my family also helped me to just be myself without worrying about going back into the closet everytime I went back home to India. I lived a closeted double life for more than 17 years now—which I simply cannot anymore. End of 2025, my dad fell ill and since then our relationship became even more strained. He became the main priority of the family & they completely forgot that they had treated me quite badly or that I have a wife they do not accept. Instead I became the child who did not come to see his ill father. In an erratic WhatsApp fight with my mother, I told her that I cannot come home unless she can at least listen to my truth. She told me not to tell her anything else abt me as she is already burdened by my father’s health & the state of the family. When she insisted I come, I sent her a current photo of me and said that I will come if she can see me as I am, that I am a trans man. She did not reply and told me later to stop torturing her. Has also since referred to me as her „daughter“. Anyway my father‘s health has worsened since dec and my mom sent me a msg today saying that she is requesting me to come and see him. She was really insisting. In the last 2 years, I was in some severe therapy to unlearn so much of their bs and heal from it. I have a lot of childhood shit and violence with my father, he has let me down so many times in the past and when he declared himself dead 2 years ago, a part of me died… I have some fond memories of him & am nostalgic for a family that I will never be able to return to. But somehow I feel maybe I already bid goodbye to him. Made peace with the fact that there is nothing between me and my dad, nothing to save. That I will not bear the burden of saving it and that he would never. It was a painful curve for me and some days are still bad, but I keep healing from his abuse. The emotional pressure from my family for me to come home is very high. And I find myself wondering if I really know the consequences of not going home to India now. I think my family really want my father to see me once at least… will I regret not going? But at the same time, I don’t even know what it means to go to my family & be in the midst of my relatives and neighbours as a trans man. I don’t want to underestimate the risks involved as again, they’re conservative. What if they do something to my passport—I worry about my safety, as in the last 2 years they showed me clearly that they cannot be trusted. I know I cannot hide from my family and relatives all my life. But I don’t feel ready to wage that war yet… has anyone been in this or similar situation? Do you have any thoughts or advice for me? I just need my internal compass to be strong now… thank you so much for taking the time to read. It’s my first time posting here 🙏🏾