u/Material-Escape-6558

Bit I feel too positive and excited for it to be false feelings and get too much enjoyment!!

just now I thought about gay sex and fejt naturally turned on and grunted a bit and as I was naturally turned on I fejt like I naturally wanted to masturbate to and touch a woman naked. No urge for a suppression but I went cold and clammy and nauseous. When I get these pre ocd moments like the one above at the time I the thought it feels ego syntonic and I enjoy it abd I continue to feel my pre ocd self.

I don’t get how this can still be ocd cos ERP is meant to expose people who fear gay sex bit o don’t, I enjoy it that’s why I want to avoid therapy!!

This’s morning I didn’t want the gay thoughts but enjoyed the sensation they gave off. Now this evening, I feel aroised and ocd free thinking about same gender and i don’t care or panic about it