10/05/26
Isn’t it funny, that you’d find this and see me more clearer in my death than you ever did in life. Unless of course you did, truly see me, all these desires, longing, haunting me… and did nothing.
Friendship is like a back garden we say we will tend to, “this weekend for sure”, but often postpone.. for work, for something more important, someone more important. Something we once looked forward to, becomes taken for granted and neglected.
It’s how I felt each week. There in person under the ruse of our weekly meet up tradition, yet utterly invisible. Utterly detached and devoid. Best friends we once were, fitted into your schedule I became.
The longing to feel special, or even.. to not feel lonely in your company. That rarely went away. I felt starved. You starved me. I starved myself. I was undeserving. I was boring. You wanted fun. I was too rigid. Didn’t party. Couldn’t be social. Sorry. Gone now. More time for your other friends, enjoy.