new relationship being ruined by his drunk self
tl;dr
Context: I am 24F, and my boyfriend is 30M. We have been together for 4 months officially, but talking for 3-4 months before this. I have only had 1 previous relationship, and he has had quite a few relationships before. He lives an hour away from me. The relationship was going really well until 3 weeks ago.
3 weeks ago, my boyfriend went on a night out with his friends. Wasn’t bothered or worried at all. Until I got a phone call at 11 PM, he started off being nice and then suddenly turned aggressive. He started off being argumentative and then turned more into telling me to fuck off. Every time I said I’m just gonna hang up, he would threaten me and say that if I hung up, he would break up with me. He then went on to imply he had cheated on me. He said, “I saw you earlier”, and I said, “No, you didn’t, you were at work and then went on your night out”. He said, “No, I definitely saw you. I remember your tits” When I said, ‘I have not seen you today, ' he replied, “Oh, must have been another girl” At this point, I put the phone down, put it on silent and cried myself to sleep.
He came over the next day and was very apologetic. He was visibly shocked and disgusted by his behaviour; he had no memory of what happened. The more I told him what he said, the more pale his face grew. He explained his friends had dumped extra shots into his drink, so he was beyond wasted.
After a long discussion, I said I would try to move on from it.
The next weekend, he went out again. This time, he seemed even more wasted than before. He called me loads about coming to pick him up, confusing me with his dad. One time, he decided to FaceTime me. He was slurring his words, couldn’t keep his eyes open, swaying in his seat. In the background, a girl started to call his name. When she came closer to him (I could hear her becoming louder on the call), he tried to end the call quickly, saying he’ll call me tomorrow and that I should get some sleep. I replied, “Okay, I love you” He heard me, but purposefully didn’t say it back. He tried to hang up the call but missed. I stayed dead silent, watching what happened next. The girl approached him and immediately started running her hands through his hair “Oh my goddd I haven’t seen you in ages *name* have you dyed your hair?” The way she spoke signified that it wasn’t an old friend or a work colleague, that he was out with. She then started running her hands over his chest. He didn’t stop her. I hung up because I couldn’t bear to see what happened next, after cheating being the reason my last relationship ended.
He came over the next day; he just turned up after my football game. I had ignored him all day. Again, he said he had no idea what happened or why I was annoyed at him.
I completely broke down. I tried to be angry at him, but my hurt outweighed my anger. Again, he was extremely apologetic and said he recognises that his issues are when he is drunk- this is true because there have been no other incidents when he is sober, in fact, I’ve seen him shut girls down who are flirting with him without me saying anything. I also know that his last girlfriend cheated on him, and it ruined him so badly that he was single for 2 years.
Ever since, I have been going back and forth in my head about what to do. It feels so early on in the relationship to experience these issues and feelings.
To give him credit, he went out this past weekend for his friend's 30th. He insisted he wasn’t going, but I didn’t want to be seen as the controlling girlfriend, so I encouraged him to go. He went, had a few drinks, but checked in frequently, sent me videos from the night and FaceTimed me on the way home to tell me about the night.
What would you do if everything in your relationship was amazing and everything you had been searching for, but 2 drunk incidents put doubt in your mind?