I’ve been dating a 40F for 6+ months, I’m 39M. We are both divorced with kids. Offline, things are great: we are exclusive, our kids have met, she gave me a key to her place, and she tells me I make her feel "safe and secure". She initiates dates and has introduced me to her inner circle.
The issue: She refuses to post me on social media. She’ll post the "perks" (flowers I bought, games I took her to), but never me. Meanwhile, photos of her ex from 18 months ago are still up. They dated for only 5 months and she posted him almost immediately.
She says she’s being "cautious" because she moved too fast in the past and doesn't want to mess this up.
She claims "actions matter more than words," but I feel like her action of hiding me contradicts her words of love. I’ve brought it up 3 times over the last month; nothing changes.
Am I being paranoid because of my own past "abrupt" breakups, or is she just keeping her options open for the "likes" she gets from other men? Should I value the offline transparency or worry about the online exclusion? For those who have been 'the secret' before: did it ever actually turn into public recognition, or was it a sign they were never fully in? How do I handle the 'lifestyle posting' (posting the flowers/dates) without the source? It feels like I’m being used for content but not claimed as a partner but maybe I’m focusing too much on the one personal bothersome quality.
Edit: She told me her friends have asked a few times why she isn’t posting me and is “hiding” me. She was hesitant to post me a few weeks ago because she said it would cause exes and guys who tried to date her to have negative reactions. She later tried to downplay that. She recently told me she’s 100% in physically but 95% emotionally and outsources 5% because she’s afraid of having her heart broken after being cheated on by ex spouse.