u/Master_South1936

So for context I live with my aunt and I work a job with a key and badge for work and my aunt is a hoarder. We are also both mature adults.

Alright so tonight I'm getting ready for work and I'm like "Oh crap where is my badge? I can't go to work without my badge". I am genuinely starting to have a panic attack at this point because I'm fairly new and not having my badge in a secure environment can cause problems. Ironically I found my old keychain back before I totaled my car, which has a house key on it, (thank God cause my aunt isn't gonna be there tomorrow morning and I won't have a way to get in the house if I don't find my work keychain), and she starts asking about this second house key.

I told her I don't know how I got it, I just know I have it and it doesn't really matter right now cause my friend is waiting outside to take me to work, (causing more panic cause I already feel bad he takes me to work every night), and I'm visibly stressed out by now. My aunt keeps pushing, keeps asking about this key, same question over and over that I already answered and told her we can figure it out tomorrow. Again she keeps following me around the house and keeps hounding me about this second house key, and I told her she can have it back tomorrow when I find my work keychain cause I'm not finding it tonight apparently.

Still she keeps hounding me and then criticizing me for losing my work keys, to which I said "Yeah well maybe if the living room wasn't stacked sky high with junk from thrift stores and flea markets and yarn, maybe we'd actually be able to find stuff here but every single time something comes into this house, it's gone forever into the abyss". Of course that didn't go over well. Let me note I am quite proud of myself for how composed I was compared to usual when I am this panicked and stressed out and how calm I managed to handle the situation. Well, almost.

Eventually after like the 20th time of telling her I need to find my work key and I don't have time to deal with this second house key atm, I screamed, not yelled, screamed, "I don't wanna hear another fuckin word about this damn house key tonight, I have bigger problems right now". Let me note that I don't yell a lot. You really have to push me. In the 4 years my wife has known me, she'd tell you she's maybe seen me yell twice if that. Now as you can imagine, someone who already is raising her voice at me flipping out about this second house key I have, someone who has admitted she needs to be medicated for her emotional and mental issues, didn't take my screaming very well. Not very well indeed.

She screams back at me not to raise my voice at her and she won't stand for it, basically saying everything you'd expect from a narcissistic adult who can't take responsibility for her actions and blames everyone else, to which I said that maybe if she'd listen and not start yelling at me it wouldn't happen. She says that we had a talk about the yelling that we're constantly doing at each other, which me and her both made CLEAR applied to both of us not just me.

Then her boyfriend chimes in and says it's not equal, which of course just pisses me off more, (why are you even inserting yourself into this argument sir?), and I said "Yeah the cat isn't equal to me but if I poke it with a stick multiple times after it's hissed and growled at me to stop, are you gonna blame me or the cat when he attacks me?". He told us both to stop screaming, basically the whole shit show ruined my night at work. However this shift has gone incredibly fast because I don't want to go back there and I enjoy work more than home.

So AITAH for losing it with my aunt, or was I justified? Or is it an ESH situation? I genuinely don't know, I'm at my wits' end with all this screaming and yelling, it's bad for my epilepsy, my heart, and just my general state of mind.

Edit: I don't condone yelling to resolve conflicts, but there's only so much frustration a person can take before they lose their shit. I also gave plenty of calm warnings that and came up with a solution (talk about it tomorrow). I also texted her on the way to work and apologized but also told her why that entire situation happened so we can learn from it. No response so far

Okay so for context I totaled my car two months ago, and I live with my aunt, and I work a job that has a security badge and a key, and my aunt is a hoarder. Facts that will make this post much easier to understand.

I moved in about 4 months ago not planning to stay long. However, since I totaled my car, plans kinda changed. My aunt, we will call her Lily, has some emotional issues that she more than likely should be medicated for and is not.

So tonight, I lose my key and badge, which also has my house key on it. My aunt isn't gonna be home when I get home from work tomorrow morning, which is okay because again, I have a key. While looking for this badge and key, I happen to ironically find my old keychain for my car which has my old house key on it which solves that problem. However I still need my badge.

Now my aunt starts questioning me about the keys on my keychain, literally just a car key and one to my storage unit and the house key, and she says she doesn't want me having a house key and she wants to know how I got two. I told her I don't remember and that it doesn't matter right now, I'm trying to look for my badge for work and my friend is waiting outside for me. She tells me it does matter and I told her it does not right now because I have bigger fish to fry and we will talk about it tomorrow. Again like 4 more times she is hounding me and following me around the house, both asking about this key, (doesn't matter right now, where's the fire?) and she keeps pushing.

Now as I keep getting followed and hounded about this key, she has the nerve to criticize me for losing my badge, to which I said "Well it's probably gone forever, you have so much junk in the living room that anything that comes into this house goes into the abyss and is gone forever". Of course that pisses her off that I blamed her hoarding for half my stuff going missing all the time, and she starts raising her voice and AGAIN bugging me about this key.

I don't yell much but I was in panic mode, on top of hearing about this dumbass key after I said multiple times I would talk about it later when I have time. Finally I just lost it and screamed "I don't wanna hear another fuckin word about the goddamn key! I need to find my other keys!"

As you can imagine this didn't go over well at ALL and she screamed back at me to not raise my voice at her and she won't stand for it, and yeah. This is a common theme with her, poking the bear with a stick and then getting blaming the bear when it attacks her. Never ever taking responsibility for her actions and it always being "different" when it's her doing whatever she gets mad at someone else doing the same thing.

Let me end this by saying that I don't condone screaming at someone to solve problems, however there is only so much frustration one can take before they lose their shit and a fight breaks out. Don't mean to sound like a dick but that's just how it is