I don't know, my life is shit
I'm 27M. Sorry, I didn't really know what to put in the title. I've been depressed for a many years, but things have just gotten worse recently. Just today, I tried doing work around the house but I failed. For context, my parents are divorced and I kinda have to take on responsibilities that my dad had. But it's too hard for me and I can't handle them. I feel useless and weak. I also was a burden to my mom, and I hate myself for that.
I'm also really lonely. I have no friends and no girlfriend. My mom had all her friend when my dad cheated on her. I was alone. It doesn't that I have social anxiety, so I'm too scared to even try making friends. I do have some social activities, but my anxiety prevents me from making connections with the people there. I can talk to them, but I don't know how to make friends.
I don't like my job, and the idea of working for the rest of my life makes me feel miserable. I can't find another one, and nothing even interests me. I also have no goal or ambition. I lost interest for the few hobbies I have.
I've been thinking about suicide lately. But I'm too scared to do anything. I just don't see anything good coming for me. I feel hopeless and hollow inside. If I could just disappear without any pain or just go to sleep and never wake up, I would. I'm seeing a therapist and taking meds, but it doesn't seem to help. I don't know what to do.
If anyone read all of this, sorry for this mess of a post. I'm not good at organizing my thoughts.