u/ManyFootball9684

Hello everyone,

After a previous attempt to do a query letter critique, I noticed I had some fundamental problems with the plot. So I changed a few things, and now I’m trying again. Because, most things changed, I think it’s fair to say that this is a first attempt. Appreciate your honesty. Please see below my attempt.

——

Dear [Agent],

Twenty-six-year-old Luna Hill has always chosen the safest option.

She chose it for five years, yet her ex-boyfriend cheated anyway. Now she's back in her childhood bedroom, with her American dad and Dominican mom, an unfinished manuscript, her inspiration taking a year-long summer vacation, and four months before her editor pulls her deal. She knows how to write love stories. She just can't make herself believe in happy endings anymore.

Formula One driver Oliver King has never been a safe choice. He's been her best friend since childhood, the person she left behind after choosing her ex, and the one she came back to when it all crumbled. When he offers her a solution to her writer's block, to join him for the upcoming season, Luna says yes before she can think twice, armed with a ten-item romance trope checklist she wrote as a joke, and zero intention of feeling anything real.

Between embarrassing dancing in Shanghai, strolling through Tokyo, deep conversations in London, race weekends that leave her breathless, and a once-in-a-lifetime kiss she had no business wanting but chose anyway, the manuscript starts to come together. But with every city they go to, the harder it gets not to want the man who at nineteen told her she was his tether to the real world—words she’s never forgotten. 

Luna knows how this story ends. Choosing Oliver, the man she’s spent her whole life refusing to want, and getting it wrong won't just mean losing the ending, but losing him too. 

That's the one thing safety has always meant to protect.

THE LONGEST LAP is an adult contemporary romance, complete at 89,000 words. This single-POV, slow-burn, friends-to-lovers romance takes place against a Formula One sports backdrop. It will appeal to fans who loved [specifics] in Powerless by Elsie Silver, who fell for [specifics] in People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry, and who found [specifics] of Cross the Line by Simone Soltani.

[Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

____

Please go ahead and give me your opinion. Thanks in advance!

Hello everyone! Willing to swap, but I'm a new beta, although I have been reading contemporary romance, historical romance, and fantasy for as long as I can remember. My favorite current authors are Ali Hazelwood, Emily Henry, Liz Tomforde, Elsie Silver, Carley Fortune, Sarah Adams, Abby Jimenez, and Elena Armas. In Fantasy, I love Sarah J Maas, Rebecca Yarros, and SenYiLu.

Title: THE LONGEST LAP

About the book:

• Tropes: Friends-To-Lovers; The rest I can't tell you without spoilers :)
• Comps: It will appeal to readers who loved how Sloane and Jasper knew everything about each other in Powerless by Elsie Silver, who fell for the messy mind, the comedy, and unreliable narrator voice of Poppy in People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry, and who found themselves immersed in the rich cultural characterization and Formula One world-building of Cross the Line by Simone Soltani.
• Heat/Triggers: There's a brief mention of character death, but not enough to be a plot point. Cursing. There's some HEAT as this is ADULT. But only in two chapters towards the end.
• Setting: Boston, MA; then, pretty much everywhere: Tokyo, Shanghai, Melbourne, Monaco, Miami, Spain, etc.
• Tone: Slow-burn, character-driven, mostly humorous, but some heavier thoughts about self-doubt and not being good enough.
• POV: Single-POV, first person.
• Additional Information: This book features a second-generation Latina woman (Dominican), and there will be some Spanish-speaking in the book.

What I'm looking for (over the next 1-2 months, three chapters at a time to understand engagement): I value honesty over niceness. In general, big-picture feedback: overall engagement, character dynamic, and vibes, basically. I will be providing a Google Form.

Ideal readers: If you like humor and an unreliable narrator, this is for you. If you like traveling. If you like first-person, single-POV. This is a complete single-POV told from Luna. If you like "friends-to-lovers" and SLOW BURN. And if you don't mind a little crying towards the end (I hope). Also, if you like Formula One (although this is very niche, I will LOVE your opinion).

Blurb:

Luna Hill writes love stories for a living. She just stopped believing in them.

After six years of playing it safe ended in betrayal, Luna is back in her childhood bedroom with an unfinished manuscript, a ticking deadline, and exactly zero faith in happy endings. The last thing she needs is Oliver King, Formula One driver, childhood best friend, and the one person she's spent her whole life carefully not choosing.

When Oliver proposes a solution to her writer's block, to join him for his Formula One season, Luna says yes before she can think twice, and brings a ten-item romance trope checklist she wrote as a joke and absolutely no intention of feeling anything real.

Somewhere between dancing in Shanghai, a shared room in Spain, and a once-in-a-lifetime kiss she had no business wanting but chose to take, the manuscript starts coming together. So does everything she's been refusing to see.

Luna knows how this story ends. She's written it a dozen times.

She's just never been the one who has to choose it.