My journey with PE
21M
I’m looking for opinions from people who’ve dealt with lifelong PE, especially those who improved without staying on SSRIs long-term.
I’m trying to work out whether my PE is mainly biological/serotonergic, mainly conditioned/psychological, or a mix of different pathways.
My history:
- Lifelong PE since first sexual experiences
- Most partnered experiences were under 1 minute, one time instant before i could get my boxers off
- Masturbation also very fast (~1-2 mins max)
- Used to masturbate quickly to porn with no lube, trying to finish ASAP, for years.
- Also had obvious anxiety/performance anticipation patterns (scared about what the girl will think of me, overfocus on control/performance etc.)
- constantly dominating thoughts
- I suspect chronic pelvic floor tension/posture issues may also play a role
About 6–8 weeks ago I started sertraline, but at the same time I:
- started structured edging/control training
- switched to slower masturbation with lube and fleshlight
- started reverse kegels/pelvic relaxation
- used CBT techniques from previous social anxiety therapy
- started mindfulness/breathing/relaxation work when masturbating
- started psychosexual therapy
The confusing part is my progress has been pretty dramatic (although i didnt have sex in this time):
- went from ~30 seconds to 2.5 mins max masturbation first PONR originally
- after some time to:
- 8 mins to first ponr on sertraline
- then, 10–15+ mins on occasion on sertraline
- some sessions were shorter but general trend was up quite alot
I’m now around 5–6 days fully off sertraline after tapering/stopping because I didn’t like how it made me feel emotionally.
- one recent session with lube and hand was:
- 14 mins continuous stimulation to first PONR
- then stop/start extension to 21 mins total
- and another recent session with a fleshlightnwas just 3 mins to first ponr, with ALOT of stop start to 10 mins, not what i was hoping for
What I’m trying to understand:
- Does this kind of improvement suggest my PE was mainly conditioned/psychophysiological rather than severe serotonergic dysfunction?
- Would someone with strongly biological lifelong PE usually be able to improve this much through behavioural retraining?
- Can SSRIs “teach” control indirectly by giving more room to train, even if they’re not the main reason for improvement?
- Is it normal for recovery after first PONR to still be the weakest part even when baseline latency improves a lot?
- Has anyone here actually maintained good control long-term after stopping SSRIs?
My current theory is that PE can come from multiple overlapping pathways:
- Biological predisposition / lower serotonergic threshold
- Early conditioning (fast masturbation habits)
- Anxiety / anticipatory arousal spikes
- Pelvic floor overactivation and tension
- Learned “urgency” around stimulation
And improvement probably depends on which pathway is dominant in a person.
Would be interested in hearing from people who had:
- genuine lifelong PE
- major improvements from training
- experiences tapering off SSRIs
- pelvic floor involvement
- successful transfer from masturbation control to sex
Trying to understand whether I fit the profile for genuine long-term recovery or just temporary improvement from ssri's. Or essentially if It is likely that I dont have a severe serotinergic problem and my pe has been caused by tight pelvic floor, performance anxiety, and early life poor masturbation & porn habits.