u/ManicRoseMusic

I just shared a post about not wanting my sister to be a bridesmaid after she helped plan my engagement party because it was so stressful. (Feel free to go read it)

People are downvoting all my comments and I think it’s because I said I’m a DIY bride and want my bridesmaids to help me (my friends have offered to help because we all help each other and we love each other like that). Multiple people have said I’m expecting free labor or expect them to be “slaves” and now I don’t know what to think.

I just wanted support about something unrelated and now I feel like I’m an asshole. Am I?

As a DIY bride, do you have people in your lives that are willing to help or do you ever feel like you’re making them do things they don’t want?

I (28f) got engaged at the start of the year and we plan to get married fall 2027, so we have time. My sister is 6 years older than me and we have a complicated relationship.

My mom and my finances mom really wanted to throw us an engagement party and because my sister loves to plan events and be creative she joined in on the planning. However, this caused an insane amount of conflict and tension between everyone involved. My sister was very bossy and tried to take control over everything and wouldn't let anyone give her advice or try to change anything she was working on.

When the day of the engagement party came (9 days ago), she had almost nothing ready. Her tasks were to set up the food and dessert tables (completed 5 minutes before start time), create a slideshow of me and my fiancé (she didn’t actually finish this so it was 3 minutes long and she didn’t even have that going until an hour into the event), and create bingo cards (completed about 2 hours into the event). She did create the mixed drinks though and I think those were out on time. Then when it came time to clean up after the party, which was easy because MIL hired a housekeeper to come and do the bulk of the cleaning and just needed someone to direct her on where to put things, my sister was nowhere to be found because she was “having a meltdown.”

The day after the party, all the stress leading up to it hit me at once and I was struggling really bad, and so much resentment was suddenly present. I didn’t even want to talk to her for days and I still kind of feel like that now over a week later. I realized that if she was a bridesmaid, let alone MOH, I couldn’t rely on her to plan anything, help me get things together, and most importantly I couldn’t rely on her to keep me calm on the day it matters most and I’m more likely to have to comfort her.

My mom understands how I feel but still thinks I should have her as a bridesmaid anyway. My other 3 bridesmaids are fully on my side. My fiance thinks I should just do what I think is best for me.

I don’t even know what I’m asking here. Does it sound like I should follow my gut and leave her out even if it causes a lot of friction and hurt feelings? How would I even tell her? Is there anything I can do or say to her to give her another chance? The engagement party was like the test and she failed it but I just feel so obligated to have her in my bridal party. And until the engagement party I always just assumed that she would be my MOH because we’re sisters.