It's just really bad today.
I can't keep my head up today. It feels like I'm drowning. I've got finals these next two weeks. I haven't cooked my own meal in over a week because I don't have the willpower to cook. I haven't had the willpower to pick up and clean my house. My daughter has a project due soon and I couldn't even bring myself to help her today despite having had free time. I couldn't bring myself to do anything.
I just want to curl up and go nonexistent. I can't do any tasks, I just can't. I wish the feeling would go away. I need it to go away now. It's exhausting. It's mentally draining. It's awful. I can't control it. My chest has been aching lately too. Why is this depression so debilitating? Why are the chemicals in my brain doing this. Ugh. Why can't it be shut off?
I got medication for it now but it scares me. The last medication I was given was so strong, I couldn't react to anything and I noticed how it affected my daughter when she noticed my droopy eyes and inability to smile. But now, it's worse that she sees me like this. She deserves so much better, she deserves the world, I need her to see me thriving. This medicine is different, my doc said, I should trust her, I shouldn't be afraid of medicine.