I've (24M) had this friend (21F) for like, three years, and we became really close. I'd had a girlfriend for five years, and had to amicably separate a couple days ago due to financial problems that neither of us could be blamed for.
Last December, my friend texted me out of the blue that she was concerned that we were too close and that I was putting effort into my friendship with her that I should've been putting into my relationship, pretty much asking me if I had a crush on her. I was surprised and assured her that I don't, and she said she trusted me.
About a month ago, during a conversation with her, I asked her why she thought that, and what I had done to indicate that. She gave a bunch of really odd circumstantial things, like the times of day we tended to talk, and said that she still doesn't fully believe that I don't feel that way. I once again told her I don't, that I hadn't, that I am in a relationship, and that even though it'd be ending soon, I can't imagine feeling that way about anyone else for a long time. I even said to her that if I ever did start feeling that way, which I don't predict I ever will, then I'll just tell her so that she doesn't keep thinking about it.
The next day, looking back on it, I wondered if my other friends thought anything was odd. Most of my friends are girls, and I treat them all the same way I treated her. The whole idea made me uncomfortable, so I asked for some space to figure out how to approach it. I thought we'd start talking again in a week or so, but we didn't.
Earlier this week, I attended an event that I was invited to that she was at. I knew she'd be there, but wasn't going for her. After the event ended, I asked if we could talk, because I'd be moving away soon and didn't want things to be weird.
She told me she was really angry with me, said she didn't know what message I was trying to send her by showing up at this event, and that she felt 'betrayed.'
She once again said she felt like I liked her, and I said I didn't feel like she trusted me the way a friend should. She said that she thinks I do, but subconsciously??
After that, I got really quite mad, and lost my temper in a way I usually don't. I'm going through a five year breakup, and it's messed with my mental health. I raised my voice, and tried telling her that it was frankly really upsetting and disappointing that she'd plan to just completely dip from my life during a serious breakup without a word, all over an assumption she made that I told her over and over wasn't true. There were lots of times during the argument where we'd joked like normal, and there were also times where both of us would get close to crying (I did cry when talking about my imminent breakup). Afterwards, I realized that from her POV, I had effectively shown up at this event to yell at her and cry about my breakup, and I probably looked crazy. When I told my now-ex-girlfriend about it, she thought this friend sounded insane, and everyone else I've told about it also says so. This was a friendship I really valued, and I think it might be unsalvageable because of her weird stubbornness about this, and it happening at the nadir of my mental state. How could this even be approached? Is it repairable at all?
Extra info:
I do believe that this friendship is worth trying to maintain, please don't comment saying that I shouldn't be their friend anymore if you think that. That's for me to decide. I'd like to know if it CAN be saved, not if it SHOULD be.
Yes, my ex knew this person, knew of this person, and of our interactions. She had male friends closer to her than this person was to me, and neither of us were the jealous sort. We had no reason to be.
In December, she did ask me to compliment less (we work in the same field, but I maintain she's far better at her job than me) and that we should maybe talk less. I kind of didn't do either of these as much as I should've, and I think that contributed to this. That's my fault.