u/Mammoth_Tangerine_56

I went no contact with my mom about 8 months ago. Very difficult to do but for the best as my mom has parentified me my whole life, using me as her therapist and emotional support while also having a drinking problem she has denied my whole life.

I am struggling with a lot of guilt in general (my mom is bipolar and so I have alot of memories of her being warm and “good” and loving). However there are some things she’s done that have made me feel it’s impossible to have her in my life. When I was in high school she had a boyfriend who was a creep and made me and my sister uncomfortable and she would side with him when I let her know I feel unsafe. That in addition to my high school brain realizing she shouldn’t be drinking a whole bottle of wine a night every night, our relationship has been fractured since these events. I begged and pleaded since I was a kid for her to go to AA and nothing. Now as an adult I’ve accepted she won’t change and tried to just have an arms length type relationship yet I somehow find myself on the receiving end of drunk texts alluding to her being su****al. (I had someone do a wellness check) but then decided I had to be done as the whole thing made me have a nervous breakdown and I could barely function after as it just feels retraumatizing. Our last texts she told me how I have no empathy and make everything about me( narcissistic classic lol)

I know rationally I didn’t do anything to feel guilt about and she should feel guilty for not trying to help herself for her kids but her mother passed recently and I don’t even feel I can go to the service because anything related to my mom has my nervous system exploding