I don't know what's happening to me
21m here, i started watching porn at 12yo and never stopped, i would masturbate around 4 times a day, it only lowered to 1 to 2 daily when i started high school.
When i started sexual activity at 16yo i didn't feel a thing, oral sex would only momentarily feel good and then i would stop feeling anything, naturally i was also unable to eyaculate,
at 19yo i had my first serious girlfriend, i had no problems keeping an erection however i still wasn't able to eyaculate and had to masturbate after sex, at this moment i associated this to porn, since i never quitted it, and started trying, but never really could.
A year after i started being able to eyaculate by being masturbated from a woman, but the anhedonia at sex kept, i think its important to highlight that during these times my libido was high and according to these girlfriends it was above average.
Nowadays i am single, however i met a girl about a month and a half from now, and since we both live alone due to college, i started sleeping everyday at her place. This caused me to stop watching porn during a full month. Now the scenery is quite different, since i iniciated sexual activity with her i am totally able to eyaculate during penetration or oral sex, however my libido is on the floor, i barely can get an erection and i cant mantain it unless i stay with my legs fully stretched out, which is uncomfortable for my partner because the only position we can use is if she on the top.
Besides the legs thing, i only can enjoy sex if i use my imagination to remember porn videos i watched, and sometimes i feel the urge to go to the bathroom to watch even just an image of porn to get aroused before sex, however i cant keep the erection much time.
This situation, mainly because i feel ashamed to talk about this with someone, specially with my partner, has got me forcing myself to have sex, which feels exasperating, because am afraid my partner will feel bad with herself if i tell her about this, something that was usual with my previous relationships (even though i didn't talk about the porn issue to them as well).
I just want to enjoy sex, but i can only get aroused if i think of porn, if am tired or in a situation when i cant focus clearly, i cant get an erection, i don't know what to do, i thought not watching porn for a month would improve this situation but has only made it worse, yesterday i traveled back to my home town for a couple of days and i couldn't resist the urge to watch porn, so am back to day 0, i am sorry if i over explained myself, i just wanted to speak completely about this thing.