Good afternoon new parents. I am curious about who else has hurt associated with Mother’s Day because of their ability to be a good parent. With my first one coming up I can’t help but to feel really sad.
My son is 9 months old. His dad and I were dating for a few months and got together once and he was conceived. My bc failed. I had been open with him about wanting to be a mother and being willing to get a donor in a few years if I still hadn’t had the opportunity. But when he found out he was the father, he felt he was owed an abortion because he has Crones disease and there is a 20% chance my son will too. I was ready and willing to take it on and care for my son, healthy or sick, but he feels that my decision to bring him to birth was negligent because of his chance of severe disease and because dad isn’t likely to live much longer (he is 30).
I love being a mom so much, my son is so so happy and just seems to bring joy to every moment. He loves me and I love him. But dad won’t help because he believes that he should have been able to stop this. He has fallen out of love with the child in my opinion and responds to everything with “adopt him away”.
I recently decided to go after child support, even though I am only having to pull from retirement occasionally and am making it some months. I have the opportunity to put at least every other check into a 529 for him and feel wrong about depriving my kid of college to make dad comfortable. But now I am hearing rumors about being a bad parent, even a pdf, from people that used to be mutual friends. And dad says that he will ensure that I have no relationship with my son when he is an adult child.
I don’t really care that much if my son has a relationship with me as long as he is happy, self sufficient and thriving. I can say with my full chest. But I’m sad. I’m sad that I have put him in this situation. I am sad that I am going to court. I don’t like the child support system. I think jailing people that need to be working is unhelpful. This whole thing makes me so upset that I cannot be who my son needs. I don’t make as much as I used to because I can’t travel (I was a travel consultant for most of my career). I can’t do it all. And I’m just so sad.
How do you guys make Mother’s Day (or Father’s Day) fun when you have felt like you have failed your child?