C-section Regrets
I had an Urgent C-Section after I developed server early onset preeclampsia. I will probably never have another baby. My son was tiny and flipped around. Doctors were concerned about getting baby continuing to flip and my blood pressure being unstable. So we went ahead with a C-Section ASAP. I had been fighting it for 5 days and feeling sick. I will forever be grateful we both survived. I grieve so many different aspects about my labor and delivery. One being that I will never know if I was tough enough to have him vaginally. I feel like I should have at least tried a trial of labor. For his lungs sake (and now for my mental clarity). I didn’t want to risk it at the time. People talk about their labors being so empowering. Mine was a sterile, couldn’t hold my baby for a week, 69 day NICU stay, magnesium for 24 hours, ugly, traumatizing, feeling sick and weak, not having enough numbing nightmare. Nothing about it felt like it was the easy way out but, will it always feel like I took the easy way out?
Update: Thank you all for your kind words, Mamas! Cried reading many of them. Trying to focus on working through this to feel less broken. I will definitely be looking into some trauma therapy.