Hey all, this feels like a tricky one. In 2024, about September (I was 26M), I met someone on Hinge. I myself am an Eastern Orthodox Christian (not an Orthobro like social media keeps finding). She is Catholic and is a couple years younger than me.
When we first met, things were going well. The vibe was good, we got along well, our values (a big thing for me, I learned to vet people early by asking their opinion on a contentious topic without sharing my own opinion to see whether values align or not) seemed to match.
In 2025 (I know I was innocent), I was accused of a crime I did not commit and after almost a year of investigation, the police said that they would take no action against me because they couldn't find any evidence that I committed a crime. That period was particularly stressful even though I knew I was innocent.
When I told her, I expected the worst but she told me she didn't care and that she would stick with me. I wasn't myself then, as it was a huge weight on my mind, but it's been a huge release since then.
She isn't a UK citizen, she's from Africa originally. When we started dating, out of conversation when she asked for my relationship history, she told me that she had one boyfriend in the past, but it didn't work out so he's in her home country and the two are separated for good.
She's been having visa sponsorship trouble and so I told her that I'd help her out applying for jobs in her field which do sponsorships. I asked for her phone so I could go to a job searching app and do a few applications. She said yes and was next to me. I saw a photo of her on a couch with her arm wrapped around some guy on a couch dated 20 February (we would have been dating for a little over a year if that photo was from 2026, the year didn't show) from some sort of automatic memories that sits in the top right of the screen.
I tapped it, innocently and first asked if it's her uncle (who lives here and runs a business). She said yes. I scrolled through the memories and it was all benign stuff (relative and family photos). The image of concern returned so I said 'Oh it's you and your uncle' as I felt a bit suspicious.
She broke down crying and told me it's her ex-boyfriend who actually moved to the UK with her and married her 3 years ago so that she could come. I didn't raise my voice, shout or anything. I remained calm but also was struggling to process this.
She told me she's on his visa and wants off it. I told her I don't know how that works as I don't know much about the law. She said she's been depressed for about 3 years and he frequently asks her for money. I asked to see their text history, she said yes. She had to scroll quite a way down to find him.
In the texts, there were no 'I love you,' hearts, etc. Simple 'Oh. I hope you are well' replies. However, he keeps asking her for money for seemingly outrageous things. An example I saw was that he was stopped by the police due to tyres and he asked her for £320 (£80 per tyre) as the officer told him that they are worn and need replacing or he will go to court and be fined.
She's always been very quiet, passive and never really led conversations. She cried when she I found the photo and she said she lied the first time because she didn't know how I would react. She asked if I was mad, I said no. She said she noticed after me being told that I'm being really quiet.
She told me that she has no romantic interest in him at all.
What would you do if you were me?
EDIT: She did say at the time (I let her speak freely) that he wants her off his joint visa and that she has no interest in him, nor he with her.
EDIT 2, I didn't send a text since returning home, she sent the follwing:
I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time, but it’s felt really heavy and I honestly didn’t know how to bring it up. I moved to the UK with my ex. We legally got married because he had the opportunity to work here and wanted me to move with him. But since we moved here, things haven’t worked out between us. We’ve been living separately, and we both want to move on with our lives. I don’t have any romantic or mutual relationship with him at all. The only reason we’re still in contact is for legal reasons, specifically my visa. Right now, I’m only able to remain in this country because I’m on his visa. The truth is, I also don’t really have anything to go back to at home, which is part of why I’ve been trying so hard to sort things out here. I’ve been doing my best to secure a visa for myself so I can become independent and no longer be legally tied to him. That’s why I asked him and honestly pleaded with him to renew with me one more time, just so I would have enough time to switch onto another route. That is the only reason. When you saw that picture on my phone, I know that must have been confusing, and I’m sorry you had to find out like that. I had been meaning to tell you myself. Part of me thought I would be able to sort everything out first and then tell you afterwards, when it was no longer hanging over me. As you can probably tell, I haven’t really been okay for a while. I’ve told you that myself. This has been on my mind for a long time, along with other things going on in my life, and it’s been weighing heavily on me. A lot of the time I’ve felt overwhelmed, scared, and unsure how to explain it properly. It wasn’t that I wanted to hide it from you or be dishonest. I just genuinely wasn’t ready and I was scared of how you might take it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. You already had your own things going on, and I didn’t want to add more to what you were carrying. But you deserve honesty, and that’s why I’m telling you now. I care about you, and that’s also why this has been so difficult for me. I understand if this changes how you feel or if you need time to process it. I’ll respect that. I just wanted you to hear it from me properly.