u/Maluchie

I’m F(39) my spouse is M(47). We have two teenage boys and been together for 15 years. We are best friends own a company together and live on an acreage. So we are busy all the time.
We have
We have some counselling to get us through his addiction for attention from other women (about 9 years ago I caught him messaging and sending pictures to multiple women) his porn addiction. (what he went to when his affairs were caught) it has been 3 years now since and we have put it behind us and moved forward with life. I have been patient and understanding, when most women would have left.
Counseling had me monitor his phone and tablets to hold him accountable. So I know he isn’t still struggling with porn addiction or talking to other women inappropriately.
He is my best friend and I saw he needed help. So I stayed.
Here is my problem. We don’t have sex. We don’t talk about sex. He isn’t flirty. It’s like he doesn’t try. Now I’m younger and I stay fit. I have tried everything, outfits, shows. It’s always me that put any effort into communicating (about our relationship or sex) I’m not a prude by any means. He knows this. I feel like he doesn’t see me as a sexually woman anymore. Just a mom. When I tell him how I feel. That I’m lonely and feel emotional and instantly neglected. He says he knows he needs to do more. But he doesn’t. Then we end up fighting. He says he thinks I’m sexy and he doesn’t know why he can’t make an effort and then he says maybe he is a bit ashamed of what he has done. I didn’t know what to say. So we haven’t spoke about it since.
I just don’t know how to get him to understand that for years while he was giving other women attention or looking at porn. I have been here untouched and feeling unwanted. I still want him that has never changed. Any ideas on how to get him to open up to me again. Or help him feel less ashamed about what he has done.
TL;DR trying to understand why my husband doesn’t want to be intimate, looking for some advice on what I can do or say to get to the bottom of this.