Mom left us Saturday afternoon. Suddenly. I can’t find any pictures of her anywhere. Well, I have one. Of us together. But, she’s behind me and slightly obscured. I’ve never been one for taking pictures. I just never think of it. I’ll be able to take some when we go through her house, but they’ll not be of any time we spent together. I’m already having trouble keeping her in my mind’s eye. How fucked up is that? Anyone else gone through this?
I lost my Mom on Saturday. She was ill in hospital, but it was sudden and unexpected. I totally broke down for a few moments when she left us, but I haven’t shed a tear since. I don’t even feel sadness. I am the most sensitive and emotional of my immediate family. I always felt that I would be inconsolable and deeply broken when I lost her, but…I feel fine(?). The feelings of guilt and confusion are heavy and I don’t know how to process them. I do think that it’s possible that because I have to support my Dad through this, it’s possible that my brain is simply in damage control mode and all my energy has been focused upon him, but I fear it’s not that. Has anyone else experienced this? I’d really like to hear some feedback (other than judgement or disdain).