u/Maleficent_Wing4332

I'm a 20 years old male and I sexually involved with girls between age of 13-♾️ from online. 13 years old girl was well educated and blocked me before anything happened but I just added it because I still had intention and I don't wanna lie. But now if I think about it again it feels weird for me. Others were atleast over 15. I was also of victim of same situation. When I were 15 I created fake accs and did sexting with adults over 20 and send my nudes. But I didn't even realized how it effects me. Please before criticizing me or judging me read till the end to understand the circumstances.

Is there such thing as non-typical pedos and typical pedos. My country has an abnormally large amount of pedos. It's not because we're genetically creepy, it's because of our culture and people not seeing anything wrong with non-typical pedophilia (I consider typical pedophilia is some creepy 50 year old with a minor , but a non-typical pedophilia is someone like me, a 20 year old guy with a 13-18 years old girl.)
For example cannibalism is a bad thing but you can't blame people born into cannibalistic tribes for being cannibals, etc.
I'm not saying it justifies my action but I just think that people in our country are acclimated to this, hence doing this, because there are usually excuses you can give to yourself like "I'm not an old guy, I'm young too, I'm still young". You can see minors dating adults anywhere in my country but no one thinks it's wrong or try to stop it. I didn't understand how horrible my actions were and also didn't have a chance to educate myself. Now I've been educating myself by doing online researches and I've also completely stopped doing these stuffs. And I also plan to educate other people about this topic in the future for the harm I caused and to pay back for what I did. But I don't know if I would be still reliable for that and I'm scared that people are gonna say things like "You were a pedo and you can't educate people about such topics." I also did research on tiktok and saw how people treat this kind of people and truely terrified by it. They would be hated and disgusted by other people forever and their future is also pretty much ruined. Tbh it's too much for me and I don't want it although I know I was wrong. I would accept if people beat me up and put me in jail for a few months or charged fine. However, I don't wanna be disgusted by other people forever. I also asked for advices in other places and they told me to see a therapist. Tbh although I know myself well that I won't do such things again I still wanna seek a therapy but even if I told my parents they won't do anything and will just tell me that it's normal or scold me for doing naughty stuffs online. I've never watched CP or sexually assault anyone irl in my entire life. I don't wanna be a pedophile or a disgusting human being. What should I do? At the same time I also notice that as I get older my attraction toward younger girls also become less and less. And how can we prevent such things. I would appreciate educated discussions and advices.

I really hope my post would be approved. I'm a fresh 20 years old. Since I was really young even before puberty when I was a kid I was exposed to 18+ stuffs. When I turned 15 I wanted to try out new things such as sexting and exchanging nudes. I started doing it by creating fake accounts and posting my nudes, sexting with random women(included even adults over 20), exchanging nudes and I was addicted to it and althought I tried to quit several times I couldn't. Idk if I'm hypersexual or not. I kept doing it and I turned 18. The real problem here is after I turned 18 there were underage who involved. I'm not attracted to children.(Like pdf files who fetishize kids) They were atleast 13 years old.(Techincally kids but I hope you guys get what I mean). But after 18 I think they're atleast 15. But a few months ago I involved with two 15 years old.(One told me 15 and then later changed to 13 but I didn't believe and just thought she was playing.) They fished me and exposed me but I don't blame them. I was overwhelmed by my lust and as long as they look physically matured enough I couldn't control myself.(I feel disgusted at myself writing this.) I still wouldn't do it if they were below 13 tbh even 14 it immediately make me lose attraction). I still was thinking myself as a teenager. Everything was too fast for me. I was just 15 a few years ago.(Ik this doesn't justify my actions). At the same time I also knew that it was wrong but it's just superficial knowledge and I didn't really understand the consequences and how serious this was. In my country it's also pretty much normalized and I've seen ppl with big age gap dating so I thought what I did wasn't that bad. I thought pedophiles are those grown man over 30 who fetishize kids. I was justifying myself like I'm still young and thought it wasn't a big problem in the past. Now I realized that what I did was really horrible. Especially after seeing news about D4VD. I deeply feel remorse and have completely stopped doing any kind of these stuffs. But I can't forgive myself for what I did. And I don't know how to face my friends and people around me now because I really feel ashamed of myself. My friends are good people and I feel like an outcast and a weirdo among them. and I had really low self esteem and now it's lowest to the lowest. I feel like a freak and a weirdo. I've been feeling extremely guilty and I know that I deserve it and I will have to live with it and become a better person. I don't even know how to face people without feeling like a creep anymore. I wanna know what would you do if I'm your friend. Everything I said happened online and I've also apologized those girls. I really wanna hear honest opinions of you guys.