I am 9, almost 10 weeks pregnant now and I have no idea what to do. For a little background, me and my boyfriend have been together for only 4-5 months now and he’s a lot older than me.. about 20 years older. I know that’s weird to some people. He already has 1 kid (12) and a bm.
I had gotten pregnant once before a few months back and I was absolutely terrified but when I told him, he was actually excited, like thrilled. which I didn’t expect at all. He wanted to go all the way with it but I did have an abortion because I was scared and I didn’t think I was ready for a baby, still don’t really. I got on bc afterwards to avoid this but I still ended up pregnant again.
I told him about 4 weeks in and now he’s telling me to get rid of it, basically having the complete opposite reaction as before. But then he told me he’s not completely against having it? My feelings are really just tossed all over the place and I feel so alone. He won’t talk to me about anything to do with the pregnancy, it’s like he’s avoiding it as much as he can like it will just go away. I’ve tried to talk to him about it multiples times and everytime he says “I just don’t think it’s a good idea. But if you really want to have it then we need to have a serious talk. ” And that’s basically where the conversation ends. No “serious” conversation ever happens, or any conversation at that. I don’t even think he knows how far along I am, he’s never asked. I told him I think I want to keep it because truthfully, that abortion was more painful mentally and physically than I thought it was going to be and I don’t know if I can handle going through it again and be okay. He’s the guy, he doesn’t have to go through the pain like I do and I don’t think he’s bothered to think about it. I feel so selfish saying that I want to keep it (especially in this economy) but I can’t explain the feeling I have about it. I feel attached to this baby i haven’t met yet.
I just have no one talk to about this. I want to tell my mom but I feel like a 14 year old telling my mom I’m pregnant even though I’m 20 lol. I’m just alone and pretty scared honestly. I don’t want to make this too long and I don’t know what kinda of advice I’m expecting, this is more of a rant I guess. I just hope I can talk to other mothers about this.