Wanting stability for baby.
Hello, I’m anxious writing this as it’s daunting typing out your situation but here goes.
I’m pregnant living in Australia originally from New Zealand. My partner is 24 and I’m 27. My partner has a child in New Zealand whom he has very minimal contact with. We’ve been together for a year.
Finding out I was pregnant was a shock for myself as I was 10 weeks. I hadn’t experienced anything obviously different from my normal self. My partner immediately wanted an abortion as financially we aren’t doing great. In the end I couldn’t do it. My partner stayed. There wasn’t a deep or any sort of conversation about it, he’s just still here. He doesn’t want another child without a present Dad.
We live boarding with my family and have only just moved to a different state in Australia. The plan was to move here and make money. I wasn’t doing well mentally and emotionally in the state we lived in previously. Now I’m not doing good here either.
Our relationship has been rocky for a while. He shuts down and seems to lack emotional awareness. I’m mean, incredibly mean and I feel so bad for being mean.
Throughout my relationship with my partner I have carried us financially. I made more than him and worked more hours. Bills and expenses have come out of my account, including international flight tickets and trips away.
He’s called our relationship transactional as growing up he learnt to give and not expect anything. Whereas, growing up I learnt give what you take, take what you give. It seems like he feels like all he’s done is given.
My partner calculated that what he’s sent to my account has been a substantial amount for him. I haven’t done calculations to the exact but what he’s given is less than what I’ve spent for him. For things such as groceries, takeout, trips and general living expenses.
He doesn’t have a car so he uses mine and covers his fuel consumption. I cover services, wear and tear, tyres, insurance etc. It seems like now that he figured out how much has been transferred to me as a total gross sum, he doesn’t contribute anymore. He’s working casually.
I’m not working so I’m living off what I’ve managed to save, still covering expenses but he pays his board. My savings is down to $4,000. I can work, I just need help adjusting to the licensing in this state.
I need money for my baby. I need relationship advice and I need guidance as I’m freaking out at 01:22am wondering if I should move back to New Zealand.
In New Zealand I could receive a benefit to help with costs, however I’ll be starting with next to nothing. I could sell my car here for maybe $3,500. So I’d have something. I just don’t know what’s best for my baby and me. I would have supportive family there as well.
In Australia there’s better wages, slightly cheaper costs of living and for the moment I have a guaranteed roof over my head. But I don’t have income and won’t have income once baby is here.
I just want what’s best for my baby. I’m sad thinking about the stress baby is feeling.
So! Points of advice for the following please;
- Stay in Australia or move back to New Zealand.
- Improve the relationship or a different perspective.
- Advice for working while pregnant.
- What jobs you could recommend.
- Words of encouragement.
- Cheap hacks for babies.
- Please PM me advice for licensing. I’ll share which state we live in.
Thank you for reading. Please know if you’re struggling you’re not alone. Just as the last phase passed this shall too.
For me, I’m waiting for this beautiful baby and my next chapter as a Mum.