After almost a year sober, some coke ended up in my hands and I relapsed. After that, I tried every other thing I could since I had already broken contract.
I feel miserable and back to square one. Thinking about getting just a little bit all the time. Feeling the urge and crying my eyes out until I sleep.
My husband only dealed with my vyvanse addiction, he had never seen me like this. I’m so scared it will ruin my whole life again. Afraid to be alone and end up hitting the plug.
Fuck this shit, man… I keep doing the same thing. I stay sober, I start socially drinking again because I think I’m strong (my job demands a lot of parties and nights out), I end up in the wrong place at the wrong time while drunk, and that’s it, minimum 3 day bender on alcohol, cocaine, ketamine and Xanax.