Worried about being sexually incompatible with my bf
i feel like this post probably shares too many personal details but i tried to post this on a throaway and that wouldnt let me tag this as NSFW so whatever posting on main!! i may delete after a few hours
My cis boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, lived together for 9 months. Hes 26 and I'm 25, I've been on T for 6 months (I'm autistic and he isn't, worth mentioning i think cause I know autistic people tend to be kinkier than NTs)
Its not that when we have sex its bad, its always good, sometimes great, but lately I've been feeling a bit disasstisfied. Unfortunately it is often where he finishes and i dont, so he leaves me to jack off by myself, thats probably 50% of the time. Maybe thats bad, idk.
My actual worry is: I think he is just, very disappointingly vanilla and plain uninterested in putting himself in a more submissive position that i'd find enjoyment in. Whats compounding on this situation is his low libido (due to depression medication) and my SUPER high one since I've been on T, so I really need to have sex w him sometimes even after having orgasmed twice, and he cant do it most days.
Hes also not that keen on being dominant, it seems like almost a chore for him more than a pleasurable activity for the two of us. Hes not asexual, hes always been bi, but because of his meds his libido has nearly completely disappeared. Even before these meds he's always seemed very vanilla though and just lacking interest in what i find fun about sex... if he wants me to be more dominant its like he doesnt want any foreplay with me teasing him, just insant gratification/satisfaction from climax (before and after meds). If he wants to be dominant, which is rare, i dont feel wanted in the way i want to feel wanted (also before and after meds). I want him to be intense, almost like predator to my prey, with some roleplay elements from kinks im ashamed to admit im into to him (i have said i like clinical sort of RP with him inspecting me but thats it, theres way more that i'm into though). Like i said even before his meds hes never been that experimental or willing for "unconventional" sex but with the meds its made his libido so low that its made my feelings on it worse
Whats funny is that when we first met, he was INSANELY sexually attracted to me and at the time i was still figuring out my sexuality, i thought i was ace! But after being with him for a year i realised i was bisexual (large leaning for men) and repressing a lot of stuff. Now the tables are turned and im super horny all the time thanks to HRT and he only masturbates like twice a week
Currently I also feel pretty bad about getting off to videos of guys getting off, wishing it was me they were cumming in. I dont really want to desire someone else's penis but... they make a lot of noise and i find that extremely hot!! Whereas my bf doesnt moan or whimper at all like they do. Sure maybe its because some of them use toys and so they get really loud and stimulated, but when i bring up using toys with my bf, he says hes tried them and doesnt like it!!! Ugh!!! I go in circles wondering how do i get him to be more open or more interested in sensual desire/pleasure. We still have good sex but i want a bit more out of it where i feel satisfied, is that unrealistic? Do i have to be a big dom daddy for him to whimper just a bit (lol)?? Im quite small so sometimes i feel like i cant make him a feel the way i want him to because im not... dominating at all in my stature
Over all I get disappointed that hes probably not interested in having similar sex to me, its bums me out the most. I think Ive asked him about kinks before, but he has said NOTHING about any kinks he could have. The MOST is that he is said that he finds men in playboy bunny outfits hot and that when I get top surgery, he'd like for me to wear smth like that (which i am very happy to do!!!!) I want to ask him if he is into something else though bc i want to explore anything that will get him excited atp
So I will bring this up with him!!! I am just looking for other opinions or advice while I wait for the right time to talk to him about it.