u/LowerTangerine2620

Hello, my name is Ntuthuko (23). I never thought I would come online and cry like this, but I hope I can find help.

I feel broken mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. I was born into very difficult circumstances. My mother is a drug addict, and my late father also struggled, although much of it was due to poverty. I was never properly introduced to either side of my family (my mother’s or my father’s), so even now I find it hard to socialize with them. I feel like a black sheep.

I didn’t have a stable childhood. We moved from town to town, and my mother neglected me when I was about twelve. Because of that, I never had a stable place to build friendships or relationships. I didn’t grow up experiencing normal social connections, and this has affected my life ever since.

Now I struggle with constant negativity. I rarely feel positive about anything. I have anxiety and feel scared to start conversations or socialize with people. I also struggle to approach girls or think about being in a relationship. I often look down on myself and feel like nobody would ever like me. I see myself as unattractive, and being a student without money makes it worse. It hurts because it feels like, nowadays, love depends on having money, and that destroys my confidence.

I feel unmotivated and very alone. People say I shouldn’t depend on others for love, but they often already have families or partners who support them. That motivates them, while I feel like I have no one. Day by day, I feel more unmotivated, and lately I’ve been thinking about ending my life because I don’t see a purpose to live. Even at school, where I used to be in the top ten, I would sometimes refuse to go because I felt like no one would congratulate me or be happy for me.

My only hope right now is to find a girlfriend who will love me. I don’t feel like I have the right to set standards. I just want someone who will love me the way I would love her. It doesn’t matter to me what race or culture she is, as long as she is loyal, loves me, and makes me happy. My dream is to one day have a wife, a daughter, and live in a coastal house in the countryside, if that ever happens.

Hello, my name is Ntuthuko (23). I never thought I would come online and cry like this, but I hope I can find help.

I feel broken mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. I was born into very difficult circumstances. My mother is a drug addict, and my late father also struggled, although much of it was due to poverty. I was never properly introduced to either side of my family (my mother’s or my father’s), so even now I find it hard to socialize with them. I feel like a black sheep.

I didn’t have a stable childhood. We moved from town to town, and my mother neglected me when I was about twelve. Because of that, I never had a stable place to build friendships or relationships. I didn’t grow up experiencing normal social connections, and this has affected my life ever since.

Now I struggle with constant negativity. I rarely feel positive about anything. I have anxiety and feel scared to start conversations or socialize with people. I also struggle to approach girls or think about being in a relationship. I often look down on myself and feel like nobody would ever like me. I see myself as unattractive, and being a student without money makes it worse. It hurts because it feels like, nowadays, love depends on having money, and that destroys my confidence.

I feel unmotivated and very alone. People say I shouldn’t depend on others for love, but they often already have families or partners who support them. That motivates them, while I feel like I have no one. Day by day, I feel more unmotivated, and lately I’ve been thinking about ending my life because I don’t see a purpose to live. Even at school, where I used to be in the top ten, I would sometimes refuse to go because I felt like no one would congratulate me or be happy for me.

My only hope right now is to find a girlfriend who will love me. I don’t feel like I have the right to set standards. I just want someone who will love me the way I would love her. It doesn’t matter to me what race or culture she is, as long as she is loyal, loves me, and makes me happy. My dream is to one day have a wife, a daughter, and live in a coastal house in the countryside, if that ever happens.