u/Low_Web_7525

So I have been dating my boyfriend for over 8 years now close to 9 ive been with him since i was 16, my first kiss, my first love, first being intimate with. I was always a firm believer that once I date someone its end game with them no going back and to be honest weve been through it all, ive gotten to that age where im thinking about the future with a lot more clarity, like do i see him being there when things get tough? Will he be the type of father I want for my future kids? Hes set to graduate with his engineering degree in may and hasnt been working because hes overwhelmed where as I have to help him with his work and or remind him when stuff is due and help out with bills on top of that i had to plan out our vacations and im the type of person I would love for someone to plan things out for me, taking initiative, no excuses whatsoever but i find myself doing this for him because I can see how overwhelming it is for him and thats me making the choice to love him but i feel like he hasnt been pouring it back to me. Im hoping once we do go on our upcoming vacation and he graduates things will get better but right now its been very overwhelming thinking like if he cant do this now or throughout our relationship im not sure where our future might end up or if I feel secure with him being my future husband. I dont know what to do because I dont think im asking for much, the right person will never think im asking for much either. Im just so confused on where to go from here if I do end it ill lose my best friend too, and I dont think my heart can handle that. But deep down I just want to feel seen, like my efforts are appreciated, im going through burn out and debt helping him out with his school tuition and its not looking good on my end. Im really trying to make it work because I dont want to give up on him but my heart is starting to yearn to feel seen to be taking care of. It frustrates me so bad and Its so scary to start over especially when we planned everything out up to this point. I just feel like there has been so much damage done that I tolerated for so long and now im depressed everyday because of what Im feeling, just going through the emotions, drained etc. i expressed to him how i feel too like he should do the things he asks of me and do it himself hes been doing that slowly but i always get this annoyed feeling whenever he asks me to do simple things that he should be able to do. Im just so tired of it… I just dont think we’re compatible anymore, he doesnt workout, he likes his sugary stuff, he doesnt do the things that I like to do, hes not very adventurous/spontaneous anymore, doesnt like to swim, walks in front of me sometimes… anyways I dont know where to go from here…