u/Low_Source7696

Hello everyone, I [21M] got into a relationship with [22F] back in 2023 and dated for 3 months. This was the first ever relationship for both of us. We spent everyday together for those three months and if we weren’t together we were FaceTiming all the time. Keep in mind nothing sexual has ever happened, we only hugged and held hands, but after a realization from me that our relationship does not follow the guidelines of our religion I decided to end things which I did and I did not allow her to give any input because she would’ve wanted to continue then. We went no contact for a month and a half and then I reached out to her again such that we would work things out following the guidelines of our religion while also being still in contact. We decided to be “friends” that wanted to be with each other and eventually get married but as we all know that would never work. So things got out of hand and we started flirting and talking as if we’re in a relationship and the I had to pull the plug one last time. That being I told her that I still love her and I want to marry her but I don’t want to give her any promises cuz I might find someone better or she might and she shouldn’t say no because she’s waiting for me. After this I moved to another country and started studying and living in this new country while she stayed there. For a whole year I couldn’t stop thinking abt her. So I decided to go back for vacation to see my friends and also potentially reach out to her and talk to her to see if we could make things work out in a way. We met and talked for 3 hours and she still loved me at the time and still wanted to be with me. I saw that she was very emotional and didn’t want her to make any quick decision but rather go home and think it through, after a couple of days she texted me saying that she doesn’t want to continue since she would be scared I’d pull the plug and also there were some stuff we talked abt in terms of values which didn’t align but those could be considered minor. We met up and talked and ended things as if it’s the last time we ever talk. She was very upset that we were ending things and started crying too even tho she decided not to continue. We said our goodbyes and walked in different paths. Fast forward another year, I went back to where she is to see my friends for vacation again and I ended up seeing her at a sports event, however we did not look at each other and I at the time did not have any interest, I was very depressed and sad at the time. But I did catch her looking at me with eyes and looks of sorrow. It’s like she was sad at how we are at right now, two strangers that know everything abt each other. Now I’m back in my new country and all I can think abt is her. I still would very much love to marry her and everything that happened both of our parents knew but were never involved and idk if I should try one last time while involving parents, in order to try I would have to go to her country and meet her and her parents which I’d be okay with doing but it’s expensive to fly there so idk if it’s worth it but I also don’t want to live my life in regret knowing I never tried. Please help me in know what I need to do since it’s been eating at me for the past two months. 🙏