u/Low_Rate861

I am (F) writing this because I am completely destroyed. A month ago, I discovered that my partner had been leading a double life, and the details are worse than I could have ever imagined.
Before we got together, he met a girl and started a relationship. At the time, she was a m\*nor and he was an adult. According to his version, it was toxic. He claims she manipulated him and used the fact that they had been int\*mate (while she was under the l\*gal age) as leverage, making "jokes" like, "I could go to the p\*lice" to get what she wanted.
They stayed in contact throughout our entire relationship. He recently confessed they met up once while we were together. He says he felt "forced" to see her out of fear. He claims that when they met, she pressured him. He says he wasn't aroused, but she got angry, so he "forced himself" to perform to please her. They moved to the back of the car; she got on top of him, and he says there was p\*netration for "2 or 3 thrusts" before he asked her to stop. He then claims he finished himself off quickly just to end the encounter and not be able to give her more.
Initially, he "trickle-truthed" me—admitting only to kissing and touching because he was terrified of losing me. I didn't believe him, so I logged into his account to contact the girl myself. That’s when the full truth came out, and he was forced to admit everything.
Since the discovery, he has shown nothing but intense regret and self-hatred. He is spiraling, convinced I will never forgive him. He has given me full access to his phone and answers every question. When I pressed him on why, beyond the fear of being reported, he admitted he never felt "good enough" for me and was convinced I would leave him, which pushed him to seek the easy way out elsewhere.
I love this man more than anything. Even the first version was unbearable, but now that I know the full extent and the nature of that relationship, I am shattered. I feel like I’m dying inside. I’m struggling to process the manipulation, the l\*gal risks, and the physical betrayal. I don't know if I can ever recover from this. Has anyone survived something this dark?