My girlfriend and I have been dating for 10.5 months. We currently live an hour apart but I am getting ready to move about 15 minutes away. We discussed this prior to my move and she was enthusiastic about this as she said we could spend more normal time and spontaneous time together. She even helped me find places to look at. She is a single mother to a 10 year old daughter who is very active in the performing arts (dance, voice lessons, theatre, etc.) so they are very busy as the father is not involved in their lives at all. Things have been going really well, especially this calendar year. We have traveled together multiple times as a family unit on multi-night trips, I regularly spend time in their home with them, we have done holidays and other family get-togethers, and we go to her daughter's activities together. Our dynamic over the past few months is we do not normally talk every day but rather we will call 1-2x week and talk for an extended period and then text as needed. I would say that generally in our relationship I do most of the initiating but she will meet me where I am at once I've initiated and she has driven a lot of progress in the relationship. Around two weeks ago (April 18th) we went to a party together at her mom and step dad's. Leading up to the party she actively said she wanted our families to meet. My family could not do it and she seemed genuinely disappointed but said "well there will be plenty of other parties in the future". At the actual party she did seem to be a little off at times. When I brought up signing my new lease she was a little dismissive and was like "oh that's exciting, it's good that you'll be closer to work." Then when we were discussing future plans that had been talked about as for sure things like going on a vacation on her daughter's fall break they suddenly were "maybe". She also was not very accepting of affection during the evening. All in all we were together for 12 hours that day and there were normal moments as well and she told me to text her when I got home so she knew I was safe. We then texted some on that Wednesday which was normal light banter. I sent a text about concert tickets she was looking at on Thursday which got no reply. On that Friday I texted and asked if she had time to talk and she called me and we talked for 30 minutes before she had to pick up her daughter from play rehearsal. Everything was normal on the call and we again discussed future plans such as vacation, her daughter's elementary graduation, which of her play performances we were going to together, etc. We both agreed that we wanted to see each other that Sunday and said we would do dinner together. On that Sunday I got a text around 2 pm that said "Let's just plan to hang out later this week or next weekend. We have not stopped this weekend and my house is a wreck and I need to go to the grocery. I'm sorry". I thought her text seemed like she was stressed but not really out of the ordinary and it wasn't a big deal so I said I understood and to just let me know what works for her and the conversation ended there. I called her on that Tuesday to talk because she and her daughter did a walkthrough at the middle school she is going to next year and I wanted to see how that went and also work on setting up a plan for the week or weekend. I called a little before 9 pm which is pretty typical and she did not answer. Normally if she misses a call she will go ahead and call back or she will text me and say why she missed it and will set up a call at a different time. I never heard back from her but chalked this up to forgetfulness as it was a later phone call and she could have seen it and fell asleep or gotten busy with the nighttime routine and just forgot. I then reached out on Thursday with a text saying I was just checking in to see how their week was going and asked if she had time to call. This text also went unanswered and at this point I realized something was wrong. I decided to give her some space. After 5 days I texted her yesterday (Tuesday) with a soft check-in text saying I understand if she needs some space but I really care about both of them and just want to make sure they are okay and that while there is no pressure I would like to catch up when she is able. That text also did not get a response, but I realize that by saying there was no rush that she could take that to mean as long as she wanted. I know that in the meantime she was at a family birthday party over the weekend and she has been active on social media as I have seen her liking posts and her Instagram followers and following have changed going up and down. Despite her unfollowing accounts she has continued to keep me and her mother, whom she is very close with, has also kept me on social media.
For further context she has gone silent on me before and has admitted that she is not a good communicator under stress and that emotional withdrawal is her unhealthy coping mechanism. I am not sure how much grace to extend with that excuse as she is clearly still using social media and going about life. In the past she has gone silent for around 10 days which is where we currently are at and she has opened up after I have sent a caring check-in and it normally has been followed by a long text explaining the silence and her negative reaction to stress. Once after our very first date she did not message back for 10 days because she had emotional withdrawal because her daughter got sick while we were on our date and she was not there for her. Another time it was due to her health (she is a cancer survivor). We also had a period after Thanksgiving when I discovered her Bumble account was active after we had established exclusivity, she had a new Snapchat she didn't tell me about, and she was hiding Instagram stories from me. At that time she ended up messaging after 5 days at midnight on Wednesday on Facebook Messenger saying she broke her phone and was waiting on a new one. I was very suspicious of this but the next time we talked everything seemed normal. I should also mention that we did initially meet on a dating app in Fall 2024 and ultimately talked for about 6 weeks before she actually did ghost me then we reconnected on the same dating app in Summer 2025 and have been dating continuously since that time.
Leading up to this sudden disengagement there were no fights, arguments, or even disagreements. She did not bring up anything as being wrong or that she had any concerns. I feel as though I am being ghosted again given the length of time and lack of engagement while she continues on with other things. She is clearly making a choice to not engage with me specifically. Having already reached out I do not feel that I should reach out again but no one I've talked to can give me a good idea of how to proceed because they have never heard or experienced of this happening given the length, depth, and complexity of the relationship.
If anyone has any thoughts on how it would be best to proceed in this situation I am open to all suggestions. Thank you in advance!