Me [FtM18] and my partner [MtF18] have been having issues about my gender and self expression
I know this subreddit is probably not the right one to ask this but I'm looking for advice from anywhere so here goes nothing. Hey y'all, this is a throwaway account but I need some help, my partner (MtF) and I (FtM) have had multiple arguments about how I dress and how I express myself, she always tells me that I wear things that are too feminine or that she doesn't think I'll transition fully or that I'm like that one stereotype of transguy that doesn't care about his looks and will probably detransition in five years, it's just, I suppress my dysphoria because of my bad past, I know that I'm gonna transition fully but I also know that right now I can't do much about my body other than binding, working out and cutting my hair because I don't have T yet, I've tried telling her how it is for me and i feel bad about lying to her about my dysphoria because I've been telling her that it's mostly gone when I'm just hiding it and pushing those emotions away, I don't know how to properly tell her about all this and how I can still be myself (I like to say I'm alt style) and still express myself the way I want to without her getting annoyed, mad or jealous about it, I've been with her for a long time and I believe that it'll work out. This is a rant and I'm sorry about that, last thing I'll say is that while I say I'm ftm I also always say I'm transmasc as I'm not fully male and have never really felt like that, I'm transmasc with the rest of my identity being fluid or non-binary, I want to transition and pass as a guy but I also want to express myself the way I truly am, and that means wearing feminine clothes on a good day or when those clothes are more comfortable than others, I love the fact that I usually don't care about what people say and that I just am myself, my therapist also says that it's better for me to just accept the fact that my body can't be how I want it to be right now and to deal with it until I can get surgery and hormones. If anyone has advice on how to tell my partner or how I can do better please tell me.