I (28 F) recently went on 4 dates with a guy where the connection was unlike any other I have had(and I date a lot). We were extremely aligned in lifestyle, sense of humor, goals, and values. We’re both dating intentionally and looking for something serious/marriage.
Religion came up briefly on date 2. We knew we differed but didn’t go deep. By date 4 we finally had a more direct conversation about it and what a future/raising kids would look like. He told me he wants a “Christ-centered marriage.” He also said if I was open to exploring Christianity for myself, there might be a path forward.
Looking back, I didn’t even ask what a “Christ-centered marriage” actually looks like to him. My brain immediately went to what I grew up with, and I kind of shut down. Maybe it’s not as extreme as I assumed? Maybe it just means trying to be good, kind people? I honestly don’t know, and I’m a little annoyed at myself for having such a strong negative reaction without even clarifying.
I told him I couldn’t promise that, and it wouldn’t be fair to drag him through me figuring out my beliefs. He said it wouldn’t be fair to expect me to conform to his. Within a few minutes, we mutually decided to end things and remain friends(questionable because feelings are still there). The whole experience honestly rattled me more than I expected.
For context: I grew up Mormon and left about 5 years ago. Since then, I’ve been very turned off from religion and have identified as agnostic. I believe there could be something out there, but even thinking about God or organized religion still triggers a pretty strong negative reaction for me because of my upbringing.
This situation has weirdly reopened the door. I live in a very Christian-heavy area and don’t plan on moving. Realistically, removing religious people from my dating pool cuts out a huge percentage of potential partners.
At the same time, I don’t want to 1)force myself into beliefs just to be compatible with someone, 2)keep forming strong connections that end the same way once religion comes up, or 3)mislead someone who does want a partner with a clear, shared faith/belief system.
So I guess my question is do I take a step back from dating while I figure out where I stand with religion? Or keep dating but be very upfront that I’m in a transitional place?
I would love any and all perspectives. Like anyone who has gone through a faith shift while dating or experience with interfaith relationships.