On the edge, alone. 26M
Life's felt pretty unfair since the jump, came from the bottom of the barrel, a poor, addiction filled family from Kentucky. My mother has always been on drugs(lost custody in 2011, when I was 11), dad was a drinker, a mean one. I'm the small guy, the nerd, the chill one at heart. A lover, deep thinker, and I'm starting to believe that I'm an empath. I was the middle child, and it always felt like I was ganged up on by my brothers growing up so I already from the jump didn't trust much. They'd make fun of me till I cried, ragebaited me till I freaked out(used to hyperventilate sometimes when younger and crying), and no one cared. Sad thing is we knew from a young age not even to try and attempt talking to Dad, you'd end up heartbroken or slapped in the face for just reasoning(tell my family that, even my brothers, an they'll act like it's not that big of a deal, or at least growing up, before we got old enough to really be able to see for ourselves the truth). Checked myself into rehab at 22 for depression, anxiety and suicidal ideations, learned some great coping mechanisms to help, but when I feel I'm stuck in a loop it only goes so far. Fast forward awhile through hell and here we are in October 2025, Over the winter I slept in my car working a job where most of my coworkers were extremely disrespectful, making $12.50/hr. My cousin eventually around February realized my situation and offered to let me stay with her, she's a mess herself and lives very nasty so that's a whole other challenge to deal with daily but at least I have a roof over my head and someone who cares. Fast forward to now, today, for the past 3 months I have been trying to get a 'decent' job, so I can claw my way out of this hole I'm in. Just like Walmart/Kroger stocking or something similar like that that's not as bad as working at lil Caesars for $10/hr with only 15-20 hours a week. A couple of parts are on their last leg on my truck so I'm too worried to get a job to far away that it will break down before I can get the money for it. Of course I'm raw doggin insurance because I can't even afford gas let alone a meal with no income. I try and practice mindfulness, sometimes it helps, other times it makes me feel even more hopeless. I'm just so tired, hopeless, filled with hatred and worry and I just don't see this going on much longer. Even if you don't reply, thanks for reading, thanks for caring.