People who stopped cutting, why and how did you do it?
Hi everyone,
I've been depressed almost all my life, and I never started cutting because I was 1000000% sure I wouldn't be able to stop again. Very recently, I found out my kid (13f) has been self-harming. I got her an emergency psych appt (in 4 weeks but that's as fast as they can do it) and took her to her pediatrician so they can look at her wounds and advise me on treatment. Apparently she has a lot of cuts, both new and old. (I even got the youth welfare office involved, in case I'm messing up somehow and contributing to her mental state.)
This has been a nightmare because I've always done my best to give my kids the life I never had. Unfortunately, I think I should have gone no-contact with my own family way earlier and I think their presence played a huge role in my daughter's mental health issues. I first discovered the cuts a day after one of our best days at home, lots of laughing, hanging out, planning a weekend trip. This scared me a lot because it made me feel like there is no real trigger for her engaging in self-harm since we'd just had an objectively great day. I'm there for her, I try to talk, I ask if there's anything I can do and she just brushes me off, says she knows she can talk to me but there's nothing to talk about, she wishes I wouldn't take it so seriously, etc. There are no signs of an obvious disconnect or withdrawal, as far as I can tell. We've always been very close.
She doesn't understand why she should stop, or why it bothers me... and as far as I've read, the only way to get them to stop is if THEY want to stop. (Which, of course makes perfect sense.) We've talked safety. We agreed to be open with each other about it when it happens, without judgement. I can't sleep or leave her alone cuz I'm terrified it will happen again the minute my back is turned, but she doesn't think it's a big deal.
Which leads me to my question. People who quit, how did you do it and why? I'm not gonna selfishly throw something at her like "Please quit for my sake." I wish I could give her real reasons that strengthen her, or at least help her to do some introspection to find some reasons for herself. So many articles and forums say people need to find better coping mechanisms, but very few actually suggest better ways to cope. To be perfectly honest, this has triggered my own depression again in a horrible way. My kiddo really is an angel and the kindest soul I know, and she tells me things like, "Please don't think you're a bad mom or something." And I'm like... Motherhood is the only thing where your intentions don't matter for shit. Only the results matter.
And the result is that my baby is hurting. I couldn't protect her from the thing that destroys me.