I feel Porn is going to ruin my relationship in the long-term
(english is not my first language, so i apologize in advance for the spelling mistakes)
I (29M) have been in a really happy realationship since 2019; soulmates stuff. We are engaged now.
i've been consuming porn and jacking off daily since i was 10. in the begining i watched most vanilla stuff and hentais. until i lost my virginity in 2015. Then, i realized sex doesn´t feel as great as i imagined. I mean, it's good, but not what porn make you believe it is. so i decided look for more intense material. Jacking off started to make me feel bad, but i keep increasing the frequencie, sometimes i've done it 7x a day. and obviously, feel like shit after. i wasn't for the hornyness anymore, it was to feel something.
I met my finacé (26F). She is awesome, and the sex is magical. In the beginning i've quit for like, 1 year. i didnt i need anymore. She is very anti-porn so i shuted the side of me for a long time. In the following years we discorver ourselfs as a bi couple and opened our relationship. We fooled around with some people. Together. Alone. Boys. Girls. We did most of the stuff i dreamed doing by seen it in the porns. But again, it didnt feel as good as imagined. I feel empty.
now, i've been watching only orgies, agressive stuff , and i choose to jack off instead of make love to my wife (wich is the best thing in the world btw). i feel helpless. i feel dirt after doing it, but i cant stop. i'm seeing porn everytime i go to the bathroom.
my all time low was recently. My mom got in the ICU and even in this moment i jacked off to porn 5 times the moment i got home after the hospital.
my greatest fear is this thing escalonates to the point a lost interest in my wife, or worse, i cheat on her.
any advices in my situation?