u/LonelyLullabyLane

Hi,

I’m a late bloomer in dating (F28) and went on my first date this year. The main reason was because I never let myself date until achieving a body-related goal. At first, I didn’t date because I was overweight. I eventually lost the weight, but when I did, it left me with a ton of loose skin, and not a very nice shape, so I didn’t let myself date anyone because I was convinced no one would love me with my clothes off. It was actually worse because I felt like a fraud, people assumed I was slim and petite because of the low number on the scale and how I dressed, but I knew the reality.

I then saved up and got a tummy tuck and boob lift as I thought it would help. It definitely helped with my confidence in clothes and being able to actually go on dates, but I can’t progress once I realize the guy obviously wants to be more physical.

Even with the tummy tuck, my body isn’t perfect, I couldn’t afford more procedures as there is loose skin in other places too like my back, arms and legs.

I’m always scared the guy will try to touch me on a date and feel my loose skin where it’s still there, and feel the rolls. Because of that I can barely ever move forward after date 2 or 3 because I am still so ashamed of my skin.

After doing so much to try to fix the issues, I’m now realizing it’s definitely internal.

I am also about to sound like a horrible person but I’ve been subconsciously dating guys I’m not very attracted to (not because they are unattractive per se, but maybe just not my type) and selling myself short in the dating world as I’m too scared to date the guys who I am actually attracted to (even when they’ve reciprocated their attraction) because I’d be too embarrassed to see them lose their attraction once they see the surgery scars and lose skin. This is not only unfair to the guys I go on dates with as they deserve being with a woman who is attracted to them, but also has made dating exhausting and nerve wrecking as I’m never excited about a date.

I really don’t know what I’m trying to ask, but has anyone gone through something similar? What helped you get out of this rut?

Hi,

I’m a late bloomer in dating (F28) and went on my first date this year. The main reason was because I never let myself date until achieving a body-related goal. At first, I didn’t date because I was overweight. I eventually lost the weight, but when I did, it left me with a ton of loose skin, and not a very nice shape, so I didn’t let myself date anyone because I was convinced no one would love me with my clothes off. It was actually worse because I felt like a fraud, people assumed I was slim and petite because of the low number on the scale and how I dressed, but I knew the reality.

I then saved up and got a tummy tuck and boob lift as I thought it would help. It definitely helped with my confidence in clothes and being able to actually go on dates, but I can’t progress once I realize the guy obviously wants to be more physical.

Even with the tummy tuck, my body isn’t perfect, I couldn’t afford more procedures as there is loose skin in other places too like my back, arms and legs.

I’m always scared the guy will try to touch me on a date and feel my loose skin where it’s still there, and feel the rolls. Because of that I can barely ever move forward after date 2 or 3 because I am still so ashamed of my skin.

After doing so much to try to fix the issues, I’m now realizing it’s definitely internal.

I am also about to sound like a horrible person but I’ve been subconsciously dating guys I’m not very attracted to (not because they are unattractive per se, but maybe just not my type) and selling myself short in the dating world as I’m too scared to date the guys who I am actually attracted to (even when they’ve reciprocated their attraction) because I’d be too embarrassed to see them lose their attraction once they see the surgery scars and lose skin. This is not only unfair to the guys I go on dates with as they deserve being with a woman who is attracted to them, but also has made dating exhausting and nerve wrecking as I’m never excited about a date.

I really don’t know what I’m trying to ask, but has anyone gone through something similar? What helped you get out of this rut?