Therapy confuses me
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My psychologist (I think perhaps all psychologists) confuses me, and it is traumatic for me. On the one hand, they want you to trust them and pour out your heart, but on the other hand, they seem to ignore the fact that we form bonds when we open up emotionally. By doing so, we form a bond with someone. At the same time, we are not allowed to have a real bond with them and/or get too close. When you talk about 'positive feelings,' boundaries are made clear in no time.
This is so cliché and predictable, as if someone is literally following the steps in a course. They should hide this a bit better.... The problem is that no one, no matter how hard they try, is authentic: they follow a script.
Therapy confuses me because they encourage you to get closer, and when you finally do get closer, they push me away. That is even worse than my childhood trauma and the attachment to my parents. I have no desire for a repetition of my past.
In the meantime, I am going through a very difficult period in my life, and I get more out of complete strangers who are themselves and show what they really think and feel than from my psychologist, who makes cold observations. A friend, even though I haven't known him for very long, lent me an ear, and when he left, he gave me a firm hug that I really needed. Someone else helped me recently after I had an attack. He knew exactly what he was doing and how to revive me with specific touches. He said the right words, and I almost got tears in my eyes because he was so caring and knew exactly what I needed.
My therapist, whom I have been seeing for a year and a half, had never given me that feeling during that period. I often went home empty and tense because he triggers my needs but fails to fulfill them, which leaves me feeling more depressed than before. Then I wonder what the point of their job actually is.