Found out a former player was harassing a quiet player through dms months later.
I wanted to try and get the most appropriate tag for this, but seeing as what I recently found out I think this fits the best. My blood is still boiling and the only thing keeping me from reaching out to former player is the fact my current player asked me not to, and out of respect for her I am keeping my mouth shut for now. I am a female GM so I am usually really good at honing and snipping this stuff quickly, but I missed this one badly.
So to start out. I was running a homebrew game where the players were stuck in a sort of limbo plane of existance and couldn't figure out why. In the essence they were playing a story in which their souls were halved due to a curse and every reincarnation that was reborn was called back to the plane at the pinnacle point of their lives. In the plane was the other half of their soul in the form of their original itteration, a group of adventurers who turned evil and started challenging the Gods themselves. It was a karma based game where I secretly tracked their karma and watched how they played in detail. In doing this I created the opposite of how they acted. The BBG of each player was supposed to be a very impactful moment of the specific player facing who they were/could be, should they walk down that path. It was left open ended enough that should the player choose they could take their storyline and turn on the others at the big final reveal at the end of the game in which they could return to their original body and become whole.
It was SUPPOSED to highlight each player. Give each player and their creation the spotlight during their portion of the storyline where they were the main character. Portions of the world were catered specifically to each character to really give the player the feel of being powerful and important. For the most part it went swimmingly. My beautifully talented players took the idea and ran with it gleefully. They loved the small touches I added from their back stories and generally felt seen and heard which was my ultimate goal... until the problem started.
So, the player I will be referring to as The Bard was a generally likable person. He was very opinionated, generally likable, and did not hesitate to offer a helping hand to the newer players. A bit too much, but he came across to everyone as a really good guy. The second player, The Pixi, is a very sweet woman. She is soft spoken, very kind, and has the ability to throw out one liners that had us all laughing to tears at multiple points in the game. The Pixi was brand new to the game as a whole so I made sure to set time aside for her to go over the sheets, the complex rules, and answer her questions. She is still a table regular so I think I did a decent job at least.
The Bard instantly offered help to The Pixi. He was a GM as well and we spoke for hours about games so I wasn't surprised when, who I thought at the time was a great guy, offered help as well. Then he started overstepping a bit. I admit I was a lot more docile than I should have been, but his years of expierence made me doubt myself a bit. So when The Pixi would ask me questions in game and The Bard would jump in over me, we played online through discord for voice, I more or less thought it was a combination of server lag/his years of expierence as i catch myself doing it as a player as well. According to The Bard he and The Pixi were getting along swimmingly. They had a lot of plans and were intertwining their story. He sent me screenshot of their conversations and I checked in with The Pixi regularly to make sure everything was really okay, because he had become very pushy. She said she was fine with everything.
The reason The Bard was kicked from the game has nothing to do with The Pixi in honesty. In the end time conflicts arose, he took another players BBG spotlight leaving it to fell flat, and at that point (a few months in) his "big personality" turned into a big problem. Every single time a separate player had the spotlight he tried to make it about him. It got so bad that at points he would just sing random songs in different languages while the rest of us sat and waited. I was getting fed up and had to raise my voice a few times and felt like I was talking to a child. Saying "I understand, but this is Player A's conversation and you are in a different area" was becoming constant. Getting deep into a scene where even I was tearing up only to have his character literally jumping into a window downing two ales and looking for a fight was becoming norm. The day after he told me schedule conflicts would lead to him dropping to the game. Two separate players, not The Pixi, came to me and said it was them or him. Very kindly by the way. More in the sense that they could not enjoy the game with his antics. Since he was leaving already it was an easy choice. From then the game went swell until I had a sudden emergency and ended up in the hospital for a little over two weeks. We had to end the game early, but 3 of the 5 players are still table regulars and have stayed in the discord to hang out and play.
I thought that was the end of it. Just a player who had slowly become a problem right? WRONG.
The Pixi has joined another table. It is full of dirty little degenerates and I love every single one of them. Everyone is super respectful of one another, but they absolutely love eachother and it shows. They plan game nights, hang out in the discord, have movie nights, and really turned from random strangers coming together to play dnd to actual friends.
One night, as we were doing my post game cool down, where we chat and talk over the game or sometimes play a little game like jack box, The Pixi was getting drunk because it was her birthday. We were all playing little games deep into the night, talking about other games I run, and she officially dropped the bomb.
The Bard had been sexually harassing her the WHOLE TIME!! When he would tell me "WE" Came up with an idea it was him and he was cherry picking screenshot to send me. She sent me EVERYTHING. My blood was boiling to the point I had to walk into the garden behind our house and scream.
At first it was harmless ideas. Since she was playing a tiny creature The Bard suggested they band together since he was 'big and strong'. Then it became, "omg wouldn't it be cute if our characters had a love interest". Without her input he went into a giant tirade about how she WOULD HAVE to have a big strong protector since she was so tiny. She was gently trying to put him off in chat but he was not having it. Eventually he was sending her long paragraphs about how "it" would fit in her since she is so tiny, he started sending suggestive messages that included "its just a game its not cheating" and "if I arrive it will be like a geyser for your tiny fey she wont need her wings to fly haha".
I was mortified. I am still mortified, angry, and disgusted. I cried after screaming it out. The messages are way more graphic and disgusting. The description of how he would fit into her teeny tiny body was disgustingly in depth. I was sexually assaulted multiple times as a child and seeing all of that typed out sent me down a dark hole. The Pixi also admitted the same and it was like a dam broke. Even the guys were crying.
I can't beleive The Pixi stayed at all. We comforted eachother over tears and the guys in the chat were all seething and begging her to give them The Bards discord information. The Pixi told me in the end, she stayed because of me. We bonded very deeply and she felt ashamed she "let it get so far" in her words. It is not her fault, it was never her fault. It was his. His for being a disgusting creature and preying on her. She is an exceedingly beautiful young woman with the voice of an angel and a very soft disposition. I stayed online with her all night until she fell asleep, but I still read those messages over and over.
I am the GM, it was my responsibility to keep my players safe and I failed. It was all happening under my nose at MY TABLE!!! My table that I curate to be a safe space for everyone because people like The Bard exist and it STILL HAPPENED. The Pixi admitted she only now came forward to tell me because she was new and wasn't sure if I would kick her out because she made such good friends and I am ashamed. She was sexually harassed at my table and I wasn't able to stop it. It's a shame I dont think I will ever be able to shake off of me, but for her and for other players at my table I am going to make sure it doesn't happen again.
To any newer players reading these posts because they get suggested to you and you happen to stumble upon this one. Sexual harassment isnt normal, unwanted attention isnt normal. Please reach out to your GM if you are uncomfortable, and if they are a poor GM and refuse to do anything about it, walk away. No game is worth the abuse.