My gf wants to be a mom
am writing this because I am completely devastated and feel like I’m at a dead end
I (25F, lesbian) and my girlfriend (29F, bi) have been together for 3 months and I love her with my whole heart. We are both North African and Muslim, living in a Muslim country. Because of where we live, living "out" as a couple is impossible, and raising a child together would require leaving the country, something that is complicated because she is very close to her family and refuses to cut them off.
We recently had a long conversation about the future, and she told me she realized she wants to be a mom. Her proposed plan is to enter a lavender marriage just to have a child, then get a divorce, she said this isn’t happening any soon, probably in 3-4 years
I suggested IVF so she wouldn't have to have sex with her husband, but she says it’s too expensive and physically painful.
The thought of her having sex with someone else, even if it's just for the purpose of having a child, is incredibly painful for me.
She said we can eventually raise the child together, since her plan is to raise the kid in a western country
The irony is that I am also currently looking for a lavender marriage for myself but for different reasons
My family is abusing me to get married, but I am strictly looking for a gay man who is not attracted to women at all, because I cannot be in a situation where my "husband" wants a real relationship with me
I’ve asked her for a few days of space to think. I’m torn between my deep love for her and the million extra steps we have to take just to exist. It feels like we are constantly performing a play just to survive, and now this plan adds a level of emotional pain I don't know if I can handle
Could anyone enlighten me to have another perspective?