Bad experience with my mother during labor
Just wanted a place to vent about how I’m feeling. I’m 10 days postpartum, so I know the hormones are ruling my feelings. Super long rant.
To start, my mom and I have never had a good relationship, she has zero emotional intelligence, she is selfish, and avoids taking responsibility for her actions.
Since I was a child I’ve been her emotional support, she has involved me in very grown up matters and always relied on me to make her feel better. She loves being the center of attention, and she loves to make me the butt of all the jokes.
Still, she has good qualities, and I was having her first grandchild, so although I was hesitant, I invited her to be present during the birth. Oh what a mistake that was.
She made the entire day about her.
I called her when they induced me. She was a 15 minute ride from the hospital.
For starters, she arrived at the hospital wailing and escorted by security. She parked in the wrong parking lot and had a breakdown on her walk to the hospital. She was 30 mins behind schedule, and was crying because she was “missing the birth” although I told her induction could take several hours and I was only 2cm dilated at time of induction.
She was upset when she arrived because I didn’t make a big deal out of her crying, I knew she wanted ME to mother HER, as always, but I was in fucking labor. So I honestly ignored it.
For every single pregnancy symptoms I’ve had, she’s had it worse. From nausea to feeling tired, to backache. The entire 9 months she is in worse pain than me. So while I was labor, and the pain got pretty strong, SHE was also having terrible back pain.
My husband stepped away to get food, since my mom was too flustered to leave the room and possibly get lost again, she laid down on my bed and closed her eyes while I was struggling with pain, bouncing on the birthing ball.
Once I told her that someone else should come in the room to help me since she was in pain (we had 4 family members in the waiting area), she asked me if I needed help, I said “YES” and she got up with a distressed face and half-ass helped me with comfort measures. While complaining that she was also hurting so much, but she refused to let anyone else come in. I was in too much pain to reach for my phone, so I just waited until my hubby returned.
Thankfully he arrived as the pain got worse and took over like a champ.
She eventually returned to the room from her lunch break, I had asked her to please eat outside since I was fasting, but she needed to eat in the room because fuck me, I had to tell her to stop and go outside twice. She acted like no one had mentioned eating outside before (even the nurses mentioned it).
During labor she completely ignored me, didn’t check on me once, didn’t ask how it was feeling, never came to my bedside. She stayed in the corner taking photos (I asked her to take 2-3 and she took over 150).
As I was hemorrhaging after birth for about an hour, I asked her to give me some fruit, I hadn’t had anything to eat in a day. She started eating the fruit, then tried to feed it to my husband, and then when he said the fruit was for me, she laughed and said “oh I forgot all about her” and finally gave me the fruit, all while looking like I was a burden.
Once we got the recovery room, we needed pillows, she set up my husband with two pillows, and asked he if wanted a third. When I asked her if I could have a pillow, she again said “I forgot about you”, at that point I said “why do you always have to treat me like this”, and she just ignored me and went to get more pillows.
Those are just a few things I can remember. Once she left the recovery room I broke down crying to my awesome husband. She truly made me feel like I didn’t matter the entire time.
Very typical, she likes to act like she is a devoted mother, but behind closed doors she is emotionally abusive.
She stayed with us for a week, she did help cleaning and cooking, but she also undermined and criticized everything I did. I stood up for myself and told her to stop every single time, but she just said “I’m just used to it.” Used to what? Putting me down?
I’m just so hurt and I wish I could keep my distance from her for a while, but if we don’t talk on the phone everyday she has a breakdown, and she isn’t stable. She has threaten suicide since I was a child, that shit stays with you, so I try to keep the peace.
But today, I just don’t know how to deal with all this pain and disappointment.
Thanks to all those who read this damn memoir.