u/LeftGas7546

Hi, I'm new here. So I'm mildly pagan, also atheist/humanist. But I strongly feel the real dates are the pagan ones, and I acknowledge the pagan holidays, not the christian ones. I'm 51 and have felt this way since I was 17ish.

My Mom was raised by an atheist father and christian mother, was voted most likely to fall from grace in bible college, and married an atheist, and raised me religion free, except for having sent me to church run kids' summer camps a few times as a kid, thinking it "wouldn't do me any harm" (it did). She comforted me when I got home saying she hadn't known it would be like that, and made me chicken soup.

In her 70's my mom became a born again Evangelical after a minor stroke, which she interpreted as a revelation from god, not knowing what was happening to her, and recovering on her own without a doctor. She had a second minor stroke later and went to the hospital, which is how I know the first time was also a stroke. I spoke to the doctor.

She told me I'm going to hell simply for saying, "Oh my God", Blasphemy. Oh yeah, she also denies evolution. I am beyond hurt at the betrayal, especially as she knows what happened at camp when I was a kid (threatened with hell if I don't accept Jesus). I also experienced religious abuse at the hands of my Aunt when I was 12, when my parents were out of country and not able to protect me. Graphic video on a giant screen in a giant auditorium style church, of the Crucifixion, along with persuasive sickening preaching, and a participatory card to say if you were swayed tonight. (you can imagine).

I maintain minimal contact with her now. But with mother's day coming, each year I get into a panic about what to do. I know it's not her fault as her mother indoctrinated her, and it was also medically induced, but it's not the only thing to cause the rift (boundary/enmeshment/loyalty issues). She's in her 80's now. I haven't seen her now in 4 years, and I didn't enjoy it last time I saw her. I couldn't wait for her to leave basically.

It feels like she's backing everyone who ever said anything bad about me, and that she's sided with the enemy, that she's kind of gone mad. She should be telling people who think I deserve hell, to go to hell, not joining them!

How to handle this?

I know many religious parents are upset when their child becomes an atheist when they grow up, and eschew all the customs, traditions, and beliefs they were raised in, but what about the other way around?

Well, not exactly, my child hasn't become religious, but has forgotten the pagan traditions and perspective I raised him with. My mother is Evangelical (born again in her 70's), and is trying to coerce my 24 year old into celebrating Easter with her, as she has always wanted that, and I have refused to celebrate it ever since I was 20. My mom lives within easy visiting distance of my child, and I don't also.

Just got off the phone with my child and was hearing Cultural Christian perspective after his visit with Grandma at Easter. Like he wants to go along with doing our Equinox customs, at Easter, in order to fit in with "everyone" else. Clearly, my kid has freedom to practice whatever he wants, but I am hurt that all our pagan practices I worked at keeping up, swimming against the current to do so, as it were, throughout his childhood, have evaporated, just like that.

My ex isn't pagan, he's cultural christian, agnostic, but baptized Anglican, and celebrated Easter and Christmas just like everyone else. It hurts, that we can't pass on our views to our kids, and I thought that was one thing we shared. Often religion is continued that way, but also often it isn't. And I was so glad my husband had broken from of his church childhood (or I wouldn't have been with him).

My interest in my ethnic background and the customs of my pre-christian ancestors is a huge part of who I am, like it is to some Native Americans, and formed me during my teens, when I first found out about the Inquisition and execution of heretics. I myself suffered religious abuse as a child, at the hands of my Aunt, and kids' camp leaders.

So just saying, I think I get how it feels to Catholic, Protestant, and Jewish parents now, when their kids go astray from the family faith of their heritage. It hurts eh?

Anybody got any words to soothe the hurt? I also feel like my mother is stealing my child.