My ex and I broke up a little over 3 years ago, and I’ve been a mess ever since. It was the strongest love I’ve ever felt, even if our romance was brief. I saw him, I saw his soul and his potential, and in him I saw myself mirrored, and that’s the kind of love one strives for, right? It ended over the silliest of things, he felt that I didn’t put enough effort into celebrating a major accomplishment of his, but I did what was within my means to do so.
We’ve been in no contact for almost three years. I did do a spell before I ultimately said goodbye to him in person, prior to no-contact and it yielded some really good conversations, even if it didn’t bring us back together. His last words to me face-to-face were “I want you to hear me when I say this. I love you, it we need this”, and by that he meant the separation. I was hysterical afterward, and he couldn’t even look me in the eyes.
Our final messages were me, drunk, reaching out one last time, and he ended up blocking me on all social media as well as my number at the time. The day before yesterday though, I found him on “the apps”, for the second time in less than two years. He hasn’t looked at my profile, or even acknowledged me; his profile doesn’t even say if he’s single, but it does say that he’s looking for friendships, relationships, and hookups.
I just want him back, more so, I need him back. It’s been this visceral loneliness that I’ve felt everyday since he ended things. I’m tired of crying every day. I just want to feel whole again, instead of feeling like a part of me is missing. I don’t need the moral police, I don’t even need recommendations for spell casters (because I can’t afford their extraneous prices), I want and need to do this on my own. Someone, please guide me to get my beloved back. Please, and thank you. Blessed be.