21M and 21F , Need advice on what do to preferably from older people.
Long story short, me and this girl met in senior year of high-school we hung out all that summer, asked her out July that summer, dated for 1 1/2 year. For the 1st year I wasn’t the best boyfriend, this was both of our first serious relationship I had no idea how to deal with things and I ended up dealing with them in a toxic way (she was still nice towards me during this) eventually it led to me having controlling energy. During the last 1/2 I started to change because I realized the harm I caused, but during this time she grew tired and turned toxic while I was nice. A big issue was a girl best-friend I had that my then girlfriend wasn’t okay with. I distanced myself and eventually we reconnected and the girlfriend found out and this led to her last string and we split. That didn’t last long as we started talking again a week after but we couldn’t get back due to her telling her mom. We stayed as more than friends for about 1 year. During this time we’ve had several cycles of “we’re gonna be better” then an issue pops up she turns toxic I turn toxic. This has been tiring and I know neither she nor I could imagine going like that for ever. I decided to be the “stronger” person as neither could let go and I decided to put an end to these cycles and allow us to just move on and heal. Didn’t really talk or interact for about 2 months (although she would still text that she missed me etc..) I found out her dude best-friend had her posted and I told her about this I said it was weird she admitted fault and he took it down (I know I shouldn’t have cared since we were moving on but it was posted during the time me and her still talked and it rubbed me the wrong way) the day I found out I also told her I never wanted to know anything about her and to forget about ever trying again. She cried, came to me and said sorry etc.. I felt bad and from then she has been actively trying to see me I say we can’t because it isn’t healthy and we should move on. Part of me wants to let go and move on but I also value her as a person and I can see she loves me and she claims she does. She’s a nice girl with goals and career, we just messed each other up a lot. It would suck to loose a nice girl but it would also suck to never have soemthing healthy. I don’t know whether I should allow her back into my life or whether I should just move on. I don’t want to regret this later in life , since I know a lot of people in our age is big on hookup culture and stuff like that which I don’t like and would rather keep a nice girl. Either way I know we aren’t fit to date so space for growth and actual healing is needed but do allow the expectation of coming back/ dating again or fully cut it off and move on.
From 18 years old to 21 year old. I feel stuck.
Do you have any regret with a similar situation?